Friday, May 2, 2008

Evil Phone Fairy

Quick! Before you even read this horrendous tale of tragedy, pop over to Dlyn's for her interview with Fred and Bessie. I wanna know where she learned Moo! Or did she use a translator?

Lemme tell ya - don't taunt the phone fairy. She plays rough. Real rough. Don't believe me? Let me show you what I get for not only running a post about not having a cell phone, but re-running it now that I have one, throwing my lack of skills and fancy amenities in her face. Come see.

Not the pasty white leg, people. Not the freckles either, though they'd put the Milky Way to shame. When in college, during boring lectures, my boyfriend would whip out a pen and create constellations on my arms. And leave my toe ring out of this. No, see, it's that itty bitty gash. Doesn't look too ferocious, right? I've been icing it off and on all afternoon. Let me tell you what happened ...

I was having a terrific afternoon, trying to draw out Ryker, who had been sulky since he arrived in the pre-K classroom. Isn't Ryker a cool name? I thought so, so I was extolling the virtues of the sycamore tree, attempting to interest him in one of its finer features, the prickly burr balls. It was - oh, about 2:30. I kno
w because I'd just whipped my cute little red Samsung out of my hip pocket to check. We were at recess and I wanted to make sure we made it in in time.

So I'm talking to Ryker about the sycamore - lovely creature, dropping it's giant, brittle leaves everywhere, shaking off big prickly balls (little land mines for a barefoot child), bark peeling like crazy - and we're looking for those prickly balls. Silly me. It's spring. They're itty bitty things this time of year. With all the new green leaves coming in, they're tough to see. But Ryker managed to see them, so I started walking out toward the end of a branch where he'd pointed them out, hoping to jump up and grab one for him, talking and pointing up at the prickly burr balls.


I walked right into a metal bench. See how low the gash is? Who makes a bench this low?! I mean, how short are four and five year olds really? This is, like, two inches above my ankle!


I wasn't content to just run into the bench. Nooo. It was like some horrible slow motion movie clip. I could feel myself hit and feel myself going down. I willed myself to stay upright, to no avail. It was nearly a full face plant, but I managed to catch myself and now my right palm is killing me. And my knees - I think they might have sustained a little shock. But the worst, the absolute worst, was my hip. My left hip. Let me show you the damage there. It's horrendous. Are you sure you're ready to see it in all it's gory detail? I'm not sure you are. It's bad, people. But if you think you're ready, here you go:


This - this is what I get for taunting the phone fairy. Snapped clean in half. Adding insult to injury, I reached in my pocket tonight and found another piece of the hinge. That just hurts, phone fairy.

Seriously? My leg hurts. Really badly. You can't really see it, probably because I'd had ice on it the 20 minutes prior to the photo, but the area around the gash is swollen pretty badly. I plan to take pictures for as long as it decides to turn pretty colors. Which it hasn't done yet.

The upside of all this is my grand excuse to sit on the couch, foot elevated, surfing and posting. I might even write another F&B episode tonight.

And when I can walk again I'm headed out for a new phone. Until then, call my home phone, okay?

Until I write again ...

Flea

15 comments:

Law Student Hot Mama said...

ACK! I HATE HATE HATE shin injuries. They're SO painful! SO SO painful. The only thing worse are toe injuries - as in broken toes that seem so small, and yet render you incapable of walking. Umm . . . not like I'd know.

Anyway, the phone injury? Total disaster. Before I had a cell phone, I remember I used to actually KNOW everybody's number! Wow! But now? I don't know anybody's number. And when I lost my phone - I couldn't get any of the numbers back! Total disaster.

I feel your pain.

Marguerite said...

Ouch! :(

Who knew phone fairies were so malicious?

Hmmm.... I wonder if you leave it under your pillow, will you get money?

noble pig said...

OOOOuuuuchhhhhh! That is a the worst place for an injury. Total bummer. And the phone...dang, darn...shoot! Poophead fairy.

Mental P Mama said...

Ouch. I hate shin boo boo's. Email coming!

Tanya Brown said...

Eeek! I knew cell phones were no good.

Asthmagirl said...

Lumps on shins blow! It ends up looking like you have an egg under your skin!
Poor you and poor phone! That fairy doesn't have much of a sense of humor...

So glad you didn't plant your face though. Feel better!

dlyn said...

Oh bummer - I would curl up and die if I did that to my phone! Hope you aren't too sore.

And to answer you question - we seem to have a sort universal translator like they have on Star Trek. Makes it very easy to understand the cows ;)

TSannie said...

The dishwasher is my nemesis.

BTW - I think the excitement is building here in Cocktail Corner! We're expecting a few guests!

tuneyfish said...

A translator could be a handy thing to have in the classroom in these here parts...

Tammy said...

Ouch!!! That looks like it hurts like the dickens.

Colleen said...

eeeeeyyyyyoooooowwwwwwch! I flinched just looking at it!

Coffee Bean said...

You poor, poor... poor thing.

Harmony said...

Sorry to hear about your injury...but I must say; you have such long and lovely toes...I am all the way jealous! I have short fat toes...my hubby calls them Flinstone feet *screams in agony*!!!

Laura Jasper said...

I'm sorry about what the phone fairy did to your phone. But your new phone sounds nice for you:(

Birdie said...

ouch & ouch.
cool to find another preschool teacher though!