Sunday, August 17, 2008

Guest Post

Today's post is a result of the contest I ran this week. No, the Hunny hasn't chosen the top five. School started, the weekend arrived, I was forced to go to the movies Friday night ... I saw Mamma Mia with friends. But Coffee Bean emailed me about the bovines and asked, "Do you have them talk to each other while you salt and pepper your food?" (No - they're on their way to New York City. It would be rather difficult to use them as salt and pepper shakers from so far away)

What follows is her dialog, if she were to host the cows:


Fred: Whoa there Bessie! That's enough salt there... you don't want ole Flea to bloat now do ya?

Bessie: Fred! You have the audacity to crab at me about how much salt?!?! What's with all that pepper? You are gonna give The Good Flea heartburn!

Fred: A little pepper never hurt anyone! It's good for the teeth! (okay, you might not get that... a lot of old people say stuff is good for the teeth.. like burnt food. I don't know why.)

Bessie: Too much pepper on The Good Flea's food is gonna hurt you buddy!

Fred: What? You make no sense woman!

Bessie: Yeah, we'll just see about that later when you come siding up next to me you big Dum Dum!

Fred: What do you care about how much pepper I put on The Good Flea's food? It has nothing to do with you!

Bessie: Us womenfolk need to stick together! And I didn't like that comment about making her bloat. How dare you!

Fred: What? I'm just trying to spice her life up a little!

Bessie: Whatever. Have fun sleeping on the other side of the counter.

Fred: Bessie! Come on now... don't be like that! Bessie? Bessie???


Fred: Women! (mutters to self as he walks away) Yeah.. well we'll just see how long it takes before she comes siding up to me. Yeah... we'll see how she likes it when I don't talk to her. That's right Bessie, I'll be over here on the other side of the counter and you'll be over there... ALONE. We'll just see how long she likes that!

Creamer: Give it up Dude. Women can outlast men.

Fred: Hey Creamer. No, I'm gonna get her this time.

Creamer: That's what we all say Dude. Just give it up.

Fred: Where's Sugar?

Creamer: She's over by the butter dish. I told her to ease up on the toast man. She's all... "You talkin' bout me? What about you and all that cream in her coffee? Don't you be talkin to me bout how much sugar she gets!

Fred: Harsh

Creamer: Yeah Dude. Butter Dish has got it made Dude. Ain't no one telling him what to do.

Fred: Butter Dish? They put him in the fridge man. That's just cold.

Creamer: That's true Dude.

Peals of laughter ring through the air... it sounds like alot like... Bessie and Sugar

Creamer: Dude we are screwed.

Fred: I hear ya Dude.

Thanks CB! You totally crack me up! I'm going to make my rounds now, make sure the girls are all still alive.

Until I write again ...



Mental P Mama said...

I think you need some rest;)

ALF said...

That is a very long conversation.

Karen said...

See, Men of every kind need to be reminded now and again how to behave themselves. Really, for as long as Fred and Bessie have been together, Fred really should have known better.

Trooper Thorn said...

Someone mught need to check Coffee Beanz medication.

Did you like Mamma Mia? I thought it was great.

Glad my Olympic posts are making you laugh. There's another one up now.

Yes to the Quiet Man question. My goal someday is to have a little whitewashed cottage like Whitermorn - just without putting up with all the crap from the crazy redhead.

Anonymous said...

So would it be PC if Fred called Bessie a cow?

Mom Knows Everything said...

Bwahahaha! LOVED IT!!!!

dlyn said...


imbeingheldhostage said...

Mental P made me laugh out loud!
How funny you had a guest post!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Too funny. I had no idea that cermaic cows are so verbal!!

Hallie :)