Monday Funnies Plus

It's Monday Funnies time again! Today will be a funny, then a video from MetaCafe. Oatmeal Head wants to make what's done in the video. I'm guessing some of you moms out there will be making this with your kids this week once you watch the video.

First the funny (sent me from a friend from NM):

New Mexico

For those of you who have lived in New Mexico, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Santa Fe Plaza Judge #3 was an inexperienced taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL

Frank: 'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges(Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge# 3.' Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- What is this stuff? It could remove dried paint from your drive-way.

Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These New

Mexicans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - EL RANCHO 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed

to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the

Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - ALFREDO'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like

I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer

before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front

part of my chest. I'm getting plastered from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods,

not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it.

Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with

fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT .. just like this nuclear waste I'm

eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding

considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chile using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno

peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer

focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant

seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage.

Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher.

I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked

me to stop screaming. To heck with them.

CHILI # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices

and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric

flames. I messed my pants when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through

the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally.

Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my behind with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers

at the last moment. Take note that I am worried about judge number 3 . . He

appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I

wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds

like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which

slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt.

At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop

breathing. It's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air,

I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but

spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot.

Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell

over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it.

Wasn't that fun? I'm ready to make some chili now! Let's move on to that video I told you about.



How to Turn "water" into Balls - The most popular videos are here

Until I write again ...

Flea