Monday, November 10, 2008

Funny Bone Monday

Today's Funnybone Monday brought to you courtesy this site, where I lifted their state humor. And since I live in the great state of Oklahoma, I'm picking on Oklahoma. Though I'm sure there's much to pick on in your state, too. :) First are the dumb laws. Not that we don't have some great laws in Oklahoma, but here are some doozies:

Dumb Oklahoma Laws

  • Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.
  • Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.
  • Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.(Good thing I only have two dogs)
  • Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another's hamburger.(Busted!)
  • It is against the law to read a comic book while operating a motor vehicle.(Busted again)
  • Whaling is illegal. (Dang it!)
  • It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots.(ummmm ....)
  • Residents are taxed for the furniture in their homes, and any other personal belongings. (Repealed 1998)(whew!)
  • Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings. (Repealed)(ummm ...)
  • Anyone arrested for soliciting a hooker must have their name and picture shown on television.(bwahahaha!)
  • Tattoos are banned. (darn - and I wanted one)
  • No one may spit on a sidewalk.(Good! I'll tell my boys this)
  • It is illegal to wear your boots to bed. (good thing I don't have boots)
  • Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public bus. (ummm ...)
  • Tissues are not to be found in the back of one's car. (I'm in trouble)

  • What had to occur to cause someone to pass a law like the one about the fish on a public bus? Well, that's probably easy to figure out. But the tissues in the back of the car? Excuse me? I'm in big trouble. And whaling - why else would I have moved to Tulsa, if not to hunt whales? Here are some more, specific to certain towns:

    Ada

  • If you wear New York Jets clothing, you may be put in jail.

    Clinton

  • Molesting an automobile is illegal.

    Hawthahorne

  • It is unlawful to put any hypnotized person in a display window.

    Oklahoma City

  • No one may walk backwards downtown while eating a hamburger.

    Schulter

  • Women may not gamble in the nude, in lingerie, or while wearing a towel.

    Tulsa

  • You may not open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer.
  • Elephants are not to be taken into the downtown area.

    Wynona

  • One's mode of transportation must be tied up while not attended.
  • Mules may not drink out of bird baths.
  • Clothes may not be washed in bird baths.

    Yukon

  • It is illegal to tie a horse in front of city hall.
  • While passing another vehicle, you must honk your horn.

  • I am in so much trouble right now, just thinking about all the soda bottles I've opened since I've lived here. Maybe I should call my sister every time I want to drink a Coke? And don't EVEN get me started on not being able to take my elephant downtown! What a headache THAT has been.

    Another site has the ever-popular "You know you're in Oklahoma if ..." statements, such as these:

    - Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.

    Oh. My. Gosh. When we first moved here, my Hunny, who works for a local university (one that does NOT have a football team), was shocked to see the administration pull out the football schedule to aid in planning the fall semester. These people take their football very seriously. Very. Very. Seriously. Another shock was hearing the faculty and staff discuss the merits of doing away with Wednesday night classes, since most churches have Wednesday night classes. Huh? Cancel classes? It's a bizarre world here, folks.

    Here are two more:

    - You think that people who complain about the wind in other states are sissies.

    - A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.

    As to the first one - ayup. You ain't seen wind till you've been to Oklahoma. And for all you smart asses out there who want to tell me you can't see wind - you ain't been to Oklahoma. Seriously, people.

    The second? One of the most hilarious things about this state. Let's say I'm on a two lane highway, waiting to turn left. There's a car about to turn right into the same store or subdivision I'm turning into. Rather than just turn, it stops and let's me turn before it does. You know, so all those people waiting behind me can go. I LOVE Oklahoma! Polite drivers are HAWT!

    Hope you at least got a chuckle out of today's FBM. I know local's not always funny when you don't live here. But a tip? It probably isn't a good idea to wear your boots to bed, legal or not.

    Until I write again ...

    Flea

    16 comments:

    Flash Stitcher said...

    I just love these. They are right up there with the stupid ads found in local newspapers.

    Have a great Monday Flea.

    Marguerite said...

    Sorry, I'm not licensed in Oklahoma. But I think you are safe as long as you stick to pop top cans. :D

    asthmagirl said...

    Local laws are always a hoot! Thanks!

    I've only been to Oklahoma once, and I'm just going to say... things are a little different there! Very laid back!

    Trisha said...

    Okay - I love these laws! You just have to wonder about why they were written in the first part! Someone in the history of Oklahoma had a cow's feet in his boots while walking backwards downtown eating a hamburger when a stranger took a bite of his burger. This stranger was, of course, walking his elephant which was harrassed by the anxiety barking annonymous meeting of the local dogs whose owner came running out in her towel which she was wearing to the big poker tournament next door.

    Too funny!

    Mental P Mama said...

    Too funny. Sex with an automobile? The picture in my mind is scary.

    faroutmom said...

    Interesting about the elephants since the circus animal parade before each circus starts in west tulsa at the trains and goes DOWNTOWN to the convention center. There are always lots of animals...including elephants. I used to watch it every year, and I never once saw an officer stop an elephant. And Officer's were there blocking traffic...they just let the elephants have the right of way and everything. ANARCHY!

    Tanya Brown said...

    This is great stuff. I love the history that's implicit in such laws - you just know that somewhere in there, there's a great yarn waiting to be told.

    Jan Parrish said...

    I think all abusers should be stopped. But how do you molest an automobile? And what are the warning signs, sluggish behavior, not wanting to park next to other cars, afraid to accelerate...

    Ellyn said...

    What about male gamblers. Do they get to gamble naked? This is sexist I tell you.

    Debbie in CA : ) said...

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Not only have you injected a badly needed dose of "Ha Ha" into my day, but I will try to remember to keep my goldfish on the seat next to me on the bus (I'll be hiding the whale under the seat -- they'll never see it) and I will be CERTAIN to stay put when we stop at the casino if I am wearing a towel or less.

    Whew! I think that'll do for the moment . . . now if that current commenter in the right hand lane would just go already, I could get back onto the blogger highway ...

    ; ) Yew Rawk! (Did I spell that correctly -- or should I say OK? *snicker*snicker*snicker*)

    Lori said...

    No whaling? No gambling in my nightie?
    You can keep Oklahoma!

    k said...

    Oh so true - thanks for the laughs

    Tammy said...

    Bwahahahaha!!!

    Karen said...

    I loved those! I think I may have seen your brand of wind living just south of Wichita, KS. I never knew wind could blow all. the. time. till we lived there.

    imbeingheldhostage said...

    This was so funny-- I don't even know where to begin... but honestly, any state that makes it illegal to nick a bite of my hamburger is a state I could live in-- LOCK THESE PEOPLE UP. You know, the ones eating off my plate all of the time.

    I've got to go get dressed now, don't want to be caught gambling starkers again.

    MichelleB said...

    Those local Oklahoma laws are hilarious. My hubby was from OK.

    We had an country wedding there ever since he proposed to me with a gorgeous diamond engagement ring from www.idonowidont.com but as soon as we got married, we moved to Chicago asap!