Funny Bone Monday

Today's Funnybone Monday brought to you courtesy this site, where I lifted their state humor. And since I live in the great state of Oklahoma, I'm picking on Oklahoma. Though I'm sure there's much to pick on in your state, too. :) First are the dumb laws. Not that we don't have some great laws in Oklahoma, but here are some doozies:

Dumb Oklahoma Laws

Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.

Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.

Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.(Good thing I only have two dogs)

Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another's hamburger.(Busted!)

It is against the law to read a comic book while operating a motor vehicle.(Busted again)

Whaling is illegal. (Dang it!)

It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots.(ummmm ....)

Residents are taxed for the furniture in their homes, and any other personal belongings. (Repealed 1998)(whew!)

Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings. (Repealed)(ummm ...)

Anyone arrested for soliciting a hooker must have their name and picture shown on television.(bwahahaha!)

Tattoos are banned. (darn - and I wanted one)

No one may spit on a sidewalk.(Good! I'll tell my boys this)

It is illegal to wear your boots to bed. (good thing I don't have boots)

Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public bus. (ummm ...)

Tissues are not to be found in the back of one's car. (I'm in trouble)

What had to occur to cause someone to pass a law like the one about the fish on a public bus? Well, that's probably easy to figure out. But the tissues in the back of the car? Excuse me? I'm in big trouble. And whaling - why else would I have moved to Tulsa, if not to hunt whales? Here are some more, specific to certain towns:

Ada

If you wear New York Jets clothing, you may be put in jail.

Clinton

Molesting an automobile is illegal.

Hawthahorne

It is unlawful to put any hypnotized person in a display window.

Oklahoma City

No one may walk backwards downtown while eating a hamburger.

Schulter

Women may not gamble in the nude, in lingerie, or while wearing a towel.

Tulsa

You may not open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer.

Elephants are not to be taken into the downtown area.

Wynona

One's mode of transportation must be tied up while not attended.

Mules may not drink out of bird baths.

Clothes may not be washed in bird baths.

Yukon

It is illegal to tie a horse in front of city hall.

While passing another vehicle, you must honk your horn.

I am in so much trouble right now, just thinking about all the soda bottles I've opened since I've lived here. Maybe I should call my sister every time I want to drink a Coke? And don't EVEN get me started on not being able to take my elephant downtown! What a headache THAT has been.

Another site has the ever-popular "You know you're in Oklahoma if ..." statements, such as these:

- Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.

Oh. My. Gosh. When we first moved here, my Hunny, who works for a local university (one that does NOT have a football team), was shocked to see the administration pull out the football schedule to aid in planning the fall semester. These people take their football very seriously. Very. Very. Seriously. Another shock was hearing the faculty and staff discuss the merits of doing away with Wednesday night classes, since most churches have Wednesday night classes. Huh? Cancel classes? It's a bizarre world here, folks.

Here are two more:

- You think that people who complain about the wind in other states are sissies.

- A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.

As to the first one - ayup. You ain't seen wind till you've been to Oklahoma. And for all you smart asses out there who want to tell me you can't see wind - you ain't been to Oklahoma. Seriously, people.

The second? One of the most hilarious things about this state. Let's say I'm on a two lane highway, waiting to turn left. There's a car about to turn right into the same store or subdivision I'm turning into. Rather than just turn, it stops and let's me turn before it does. You know, so all those people waiting behind me can go. I LOVE Oklahoma! Polite drivers are HAWT!

Hope you at least got a chuckle out of today's FBM. I know local's not always funny when you don't live here. But a tip? It probably isn't a good idea to wear your boots to bed, legal or not.

Until I write again ...

Flea