Monday, November 17, 2008

Funny Bone Monday

Funny Bone Monday again! I really will be back for good tomorrow or the next. Till then, I hope y'all enjoy this:

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet', which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks causes throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Until I write again ...



Marguerite said...

Ha Ha! Cute! :D

Trisha said...

Funny! Can't wait to have you back like usual!

Anonymous said...

Yay, you're coming back. I love the cat to take care of the mouse. And, good for the sense of humor of pilots.

Laura ~Peach~ said...

lol great monday funny!!! love it!

Karen said...

Thank you for the laugh!!

Mental P Mama said...

Too cute! Hope all is okay.

Lori said...

Love these! Wise-crackin' is my style of humor.

Anonymous said...

OMG Flea, tears are running down my cheeks!! You made my day, I just wish I had reas your blog earlier!!

So glad you are back. PS: How's Maybelline? Any verdict yeton the tummy probs?

faroutmom said...

I love this one. I feel much better about sending my Christmas packages through UPS. Oh, speaking of've have been lovingly tagged over at my place. Have a great day!

Tanya Brown said...

Great stuff! Good to see people's sense of humor are alive and well.

Beth said...

How funny!

Ellyn said...

Love it.

abb said...

Good giggle!

Kidzmama said...

Thanks for the late evening laugh!

Jan Parrish said...


Please stop on over my place. I have an award for you!