Monday, January 26, 2009

Funny Bone Monday, the Blond Version

Happy Monday, everyone! I've decided to regale you with some of my favorite humor - the Blond Joke! Enjoy!

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BLONDE LOGIC

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one
blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida
or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see
Florida?????"

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it
died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if
he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to
show it to you!"

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get
to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts
back, "You ARE on the other side."

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her
body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed,
then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and
screamed;
likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made
her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the
trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL
OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"


BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian
said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at
night!"

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If
you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"


FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that
one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever
heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

AND A BLOND GUY JOKE
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blond opened his lunch and said, "Bolognaise again! If I get a bolognaise sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bolognaise and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,

"Don't look at me. The idiot makes his own lunch."


And the video of the week?



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Y'all have a great week!

Until I write again ...

Flea

19 comments:

Mental P Mama said...

Those are all so good. Helllooooo?

asthmagirl said...

Hellooooo? I actually laughed!

Nipper said...

LOL at the video!

Flea said...

Hellooooo? I've seen Florida. :)

Karen said...

Oh, those are priceless.

Trisha said...

That video . . . too, too funny! I knew that there was a catch but didn't guess what it was! Thanks for the laughs!

dlyn said...

Helllloooooo? So glad I'm a readhead! We are waaaaaaaaaaaaay smarter, right?

Snooty Primadona said...

Awwww... Just for me? I didn't *get* them, lol. I'm blonde.

Daryl said...

heeelllllllllooooooooooooooo, thank goodness I am SILVER not blonde

Memaw's memories said...

The jokes were seriously funny. I'm so thankful I'm not a blonde. But I have a grandchild who is, and I think she is going to fit the mold.

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

LOVE me some dumb blondes. Esp. the broken finger. Priceless.

Ellyn said...

Yes, Dlyn, a natural redhead. Thats you.

Great jokes.

Tammy said...

OMG Those are hilarious and LOVED the video!!!

Egghead said...

Pretty funny but that video...I loved it when he told her it was a boy...ha ha!

Kristen said...

You're not actually a redhead...
hee hee!
Going to read the interview now.
Thanks!

Warty Mammal said...

The sad thing is, I can really relate to these jokes.

Oh. Wait. I'm blonde.

Jill of All Trades said...

Thank you. You made me laugh out loud after a week of being stuck inside and at the mercy of The Hubby to drive me around in this icky icy mess.

Karen said...

That video kills me!!! Hilllarrrioussss!

Gilit Frank said...

Nice to read just plain silly jokes sometimes. There's enough really serious stuff going on in the world.