Monday, January 5, 2009

Funny Bone Monday

Pop over to Holly's and say hi to Fred & Bessie!

Happy Monday! My favorite day of the week! I'm hoping to sleep most of today, but had quite a bit of coffee while at work overnight, so we'll see what happens. I slept pretty well this weekend (thank you, to all who wished me good sleep!), so it's not the most essential thing right now.

In honor of my best friend, coffee, and a blog friend, Coffee Bean, today's funnybone Monday is all about the beloved beverage, courtesy Clean Joke dot com. Enjoy!

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You’re Drinking Too Much Coffee When:


You ski uphill.

You speed walk in your sleep.

You answer the door before people knock.

You sleep with your eyes open.

You just completed your third sweater today, and you don’t know how to knit.

You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

The only time you’re standing still is in an earthquake.

You lick your coffee pot clean.

Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

You can type sixty words a minute with your feet.

You don’t sweat, you percolate.

People get dizzy just watching you.

People can test their batteries in your ears.

Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.

Your Thermos is on wheels.

You can outlast the Energizer Bunny.

You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.

You don’t tan, you roast.

You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

You think CPR stands for “Coffee Provides Resuscitation.”

This from Funny Clean Jokes:

Shared Coffeepot

At the data-entry company where I work, the other operators and I share a coffeepot. One morning I took it into the ladies room to fill it with water. Then I began preening in the mirror, brushing my hair and reapplying some makeup. I didn't realize how long I'd been until someone slid a note under the door. "You win," it read. Any ransom demand will be met. Just release the coffeepot."

And from Coffee Forums:

Spouse #1: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt.
Spouse #2: That's not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.


What do you call a cow who's just given birth? De-calf-inated!

A lady came into the kitchen, sat down at the table, leaned forward, put her head in her hands and said to her husband "Honey, I feel terrible! My head hurts, my back's killing me and my left breast just burns and burns." He said "I'm gonna help you, Dear. I'll get you some aspirins for the headache, I'll rub your back with Myoflex for the backache, and if you'll sit up and get your breast out of the coffee, it'll stop burning!"

A man went to his psychiatrist and said, "Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye," the psychiatrist said, "well, have you tried taking the spoon out?"

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There you have it, bloggy friends! May Juan Valdez show up in your kitchen this morning!

Until I write again ...

Flea

16 comments:

Mental P Mama said...

That reminds me...I need some more of the brown stuff. Right now.

Daryl said...

Ah Juan ... we had a secret relationship going and now you encourage him to show up in my kitchen .. while I am at work .. oh you are evil ...

Whose gonna make my cawfee here?

Laura ~Peach~ said...

LOL I nearly lost a lung over the randsom note one!! Tooo funny .... dang my coffee is COLD.

MUD said...

About the age of 45, I got to where I was having trouble sleeping. I mentioned it to a co-worker and he said it was caffein. I told him most of my life I could drink all the coffee I wanted and sleep like a baby. He said that I needed to try not drinking any coffee after noon and see if I could sleep. Worked like a champ. I might drink a tea at supper but don't do it too often. Better go up and get a cup of joe. MUD

Evil Sister said...

Perfect reading while having my first cup of the morning. :)

Trisha said...

I am a mutant and HATE coffee but I certainly LOVED the jokes!

asthmagirl said...

I have a very satisfying, long term and beautiful relationship with Juan and his little donkey. As far as I'm concerned, he can do nothing wrong!

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

Hee hee, love the cow joke!
Thanks for the laughs, going to my coffee maker right now. Hope you have a great rest.

Ellyn said...

What if I only meet half of the "drinking too much coffee" requirements? Am I drinking only half as much coffee as I should? Or am I just right?

Loved the Shared Coffee Pot joke.

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

Puppy would love this. And, I'm sorry I made you snort. But, in my defense, they did ask where to put the quarter.

Snooty Primadona said...

Thanks for the Monday Giggles. Go ahead & stock up on your sleep. I do it all the time... It can't hurt, right?

OHmommy said...

Do you know that I have never even tried coffee? I know, weird.

I am so tired too. I should start.

Amanda of ShamelesslySassy said...

haha. Love the coffee pot story! :)

Trannyhead said...

I had to stop drinking the tons of caffeine I used to drink when I found out I was pregnant. It was SO PAINFUL to go off the caffeine the first time that I simply have refused to drink anything but decaf since then. Because I don't want to have to go off the caffeine while pregnant again!

enthalpymama said...

I answered the door before someone knocked today. It was the first time she was over. She asked me for my "story" you know, where I'm from and stuff. After giving her the quick run down, her first comment was "I'm exhausted just listening to you."

Maybe it is the coffee, but her comment has been ringing in my mind all afternoon.

Daisy said...

I like the first set, but the rest had me laughing out loud, too!