Monday, January 12, 2009

Funny Bone Monday

Here, to please, amuse and amaze, is the Idiot version of Funnybone Monday, thanks to my mom and an email she sent my way last week.


We had to have the repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not." Four is larger than two.."

We haven't used Sears repair since.


My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "you gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

From Kingman , KS


My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

From Kansas City


I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded,
"That's why we ask."

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.


The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS


At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.


I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.


When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side."

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi


For reading all the way to the end? A bonus video!

That's all she wrote!

Until I write again ...



Anonymous said...

Too funny. Thanks for sharing!

Daryl said...

Oh these were just priceless which means no tip

Karen said...

There are some really scary people out there, aren't there? I loved this Funny Bone Monday.

Trisha said...

It really makes you thankful that most of your mistakes are in private!

The video is hilarious!

MUD said...

Great Post. I love to start my day with a good laugh. I do think that sometimes the real things people do is funnier than made up stories. MUD

Karen said...

Oh the Need Harmony video almost made me pee my pants. We have a friend who met his fiance through eharmony. I am so sending them the link. Thanks for the laughs, Flea.

Anonymous said...

If you see me in that video - slap me!

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

Sadly the change thing at the drive-thru? I had that happen a few weeks back. I had to tell the chick the amount to give me.

Snooty Primadona said...

Scarily, I actually know some individuals that would use a service like needHarmony, lol. Yes, they are also huggers...

Very funny & entertaining Monday! Thanks for that.

Now I've got to go clean up our son's dog's poopies in the yard so I don't step in one with my new suede boots. Again.

abb said...

Tell me those are made up!

Daisy said...

Oh, the deer crossing!! And just think, those deer must be smarter than the woman who called and complained. After all, they can read signs!

Anonymous said...

I love having a good laugh and this post did it for me!

Anonymous said...

BWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!! Thanks, Flea. Those seriously gave me a good laugh. I bookmarked the skit guys. How do you find this stuff?

Debbie said...

Thanks hon! I needed this today...hillarious! I've come across my share of idiots and have actually been one a few times!

bernthis said...

It's funny but it's also way too scary. Shouldn't there be a law for how long a person like this can live?

dlyn said...

Now that is some funny stuff right there!

Egghead said...

Too funny. I loved Need Harmony. I actually know some people who might need to join that.

Tressa & Mark said...

So funny! Thanks, I needed the laugh.

Warty Mammal said...


I desperately want to believe that some of those folks were just having a bad day.

Remember that old joke about "Time flies like a arrow and fruit flies like a banana"? Took me years to get it. I'd sagely think "Yes, yes; obviously fruit could fly like a banana, but it could also fly like apples or grapes. What's the point of this joke?" Then, one night at work, I got it. FRUIT FLIES like a banana. I burst out laughing. When my co-workers wanted to know why, I explained. They looked at me with great pity.