Monday, February 2, 2009

Funny Bone Monday, Work

Happy Monday, everyone! While I'm sleeping off a weekend of work, I thought I'd hand off some work humor. Some of it may be valuable for those of you caught in an ugly economy, perhaps looking for employment. Just doing every little bit I can to help!

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Things Not To Say at a Job Interview

We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. Don't belch. If we did any of the don'ts, we knew we'd disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants.

The lowlights:

  • Said he was so well qualified [that] if he didn't get the job, it would prove that the company's management was incompetent.

  • Stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.

  • Brought her large dog to the interview.

  • Chewed bubble gum and constantly blew bubbles.

  • Candidate kept giggling through serious interview.

  • She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to the music and me at the same time.

  • Balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later wearing a hairpiece.

  • Asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate.

  • Without saying a word, candidate stood up and walked out during the middle of the interview.

  • Man wore jogging suit to interview for position as financial vice president.

  • Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions.

  • Wouldn't get out of the chair until I would hire him. I had to call the police.

  • When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office.

  • Had a little pinball game and challenged me to play with him.

  • Bounced up and down on my carpet and told me I must be highly thought of by the company because I was given such a thick carpet.

  • Took a brush out of my purse, brushed his hair and left.

  • Pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him.

  • Candidate asked me if I would put on a suit jacket to insure that the offer was formal.

  • Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much.

  • While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold.

  • During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate's briefcase. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview.

  • A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: "Which company? When do I start? What's the salary?" I said, "I assume you're not interested in conducting the interview any further." He promptly responded, "I am as long as you'll pay me more." I didn't hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer.

  • An applicant came in wearing only one shoe. She explained that the other shoe was stolen off her foot in the bus.

  • His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies' undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume.

  • He came to the interview with a moped and left it in the reception area. He didn't want it to get stolen, and stated that he would require indoor parking for the moped.

  • He took off his right shoe and sock, opened a medicated foot powder and dusted it on the foot and in the shoe. While he was putting back the shoe and sock, he mentioned that he had to use the powder four times a day, and this was the time.

  • Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one.

  • He whistled when the interviewer was talking.

  • Asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security.

  • She threw up on my desk, and immediately started asking questions about the job, like nothing had happened.

  • Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk.

  • Asked if I wanted some cocaine before starting the interview.

All from this site

Sayings That Should Be On Those Office Inspirational Posters:
  • If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
  • Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
  • Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
  • A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.
  • Plagiarism saves time.
  • If at first you don't succeed, try management.
  • TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
  • Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.(I love this one best)
  • Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
  • Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
  • A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
  • When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
  • INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
  • Succeed in spite of management.
  • Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
All found here

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Aaaaaand, since I seem to have gotten into the habit of it, a video!



Until I write again ...

Flea

19 comments:

asthmagirl said...

I could swear I've interviewed a few of those people.... as well as the ones that filled out their app in pajamas! Oh the laughter!

Thanks!

Trisha said...

And that Ditech commercial says "people are smart!" Yeah, right!

Mental P Mama said...

I think I know some of those folks.

Debbie in CA : ) said...

I love coming here for a dose of giggle before I start my week. ; )

Once, on the way home from the beach, I stopped by a department store to merely pick up an application. I was ushered into an office for an interview on the spot. I cringed as I sat there in short and a T over my bikini. I got the job . . . working in lingerie. Oh my! : O

Warty Mammal said...

Oh, dear!

The one where the person needed a new desk was especially worrisome.

Daryl said...

So .. we moved out server to Exchange which means we can access our office email from anywhere and that's cool BUT for some reason when you send an email w/o text in the body and an attachment.. it converts the attachment .. email arrives with the attachment in computer speak

What the heck does this have to do with your post?

Well, I have been c/p your funnies to put inside the emails I send with the attached report to keep the report from corrupting ... its a lot more fun for the recepients to get your jokes than a stupid dull note from me that says 'here's the report'

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

This is why I fear for the future. Those people exist!

noble pig said...

Can you even imagine blowing a buuble during an interview? I think I would laugh if I was interviewing them. And then hire them for having some serious balls.

Brit' Gal Sarah said...

I was an HR Manager for a very big mostly male dominated manufacturing company. On three occasions over hundreds of interviews I was asked out for a drink, "even if I don't get the job"! One guy came in for a warehouse position in an extremely short tight pair of shorts that left absolutely NOTHING to the imagination. And finally one guy turned up a day early and when I explained to him, he yelled at me....he didn't get the job either!

Karen said...

It kinda makes me want to conduct interviews. I'd be so amused I'd laugh outright.

MIT Mommy said...

I bought my brother a calendar of "uninspirational" sayings last year. I even chose my own dates on it and said things like "call your lousy sister." He never did call me. He must have called my older sister. Bwa ha ha.

~ Straight Shooter ~ said...

HHOL!!
Hootin' 'n Hollerin' Out Loud!!!

Krista said...

I hate it when people offer me too much money! I needed this laugh today! I went back to work after 1 1/2 weeks recuperation. Yep. Mondays are still mundane.

Karen said...

I think I may know some of those people interviewed. In fact I am certain I have interviewed a few of them. Thanks for the laugh.

Karen said...

I think I may know some of those people interviewed. In fact I am certain I have interviewed a few of them. Thanks for the laugh.

Snooty Primadona said...

It's indeed scary that those people really do exist

bernthis said...

Love the guy who asked who the hot chick was and the one that got the wife to call and fake him getting a job.

Egghead said...

Too funny. I love the one where the bald guy leaves and returns with a hair piece.

zobabe said...

This cannot be true. Really? Wow. I read this earlier in the week and had to come back for a second look. I have to admit, tho, that my first job interview out of college was a nightmare before it ever started. Let's just say it involved a sudden-onset stomach bug and a public bathroom, and let it go at that. I got the job, though.