Monday, March 23, 2009

Funny Bone Monday, Weather

Happy Monday, Everyone! While y'all are out enjoying the land of the living, I'm home sleeping off a weekend at work. Woo. Today's Funny Bone Monday is weather related. As in, here in Oklahoma, the conditions are ripe for just about anything. Enjoy!

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Out in Kansas, tornadoes often hit with sudden devastation, and without warning. In one case, a house was completely whisked away, leaving only the foundation and first floor. A silver-haired farm lady was seen sitting dazed, in a bathtub, the only remaining part of the house left above the floor. The rescue squad rushed to her aid and found her unhurt. She was just sitting there in the tub, talking to herself.
"It was the most amazing thing ... it was the most amazing thing." she kept repeating dazedly.
"What was the most amazing thing, Ma'am?" asked one of the rescuers.
"I was visiting my daughter here, taking a bath, and all I did was pull the plug and dog-gone-it if the whole house didn't suddenly drain away."

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Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me."
Submitted by JH

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A husband and his wife were sound asleep when suddenly the phone rang.

The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? How the heck do I know? What do I look like, a weatherman?" He then slammed the phone down and settled into bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"I don't know. It was some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."
Submitted by Dan N.

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A long time ago, in Communist Russia, there was a famous weather man named Rudolf.

He's always had a 100% accuracy rate for his forecasts of the Russian weather conditions. His people loved him and respected him for his faultless foresight. He was particularly good at predicting rain. One night, despite clear skies, he made the prediction on the 6:00pm news broadcast that a violent storm was approaching. It would flood the town in which he and his wife lived. He warned the people to take proper precautions and prepare for the worst.

After he arrived home later that evening, his wife met him at the door and started arguing with him that his weather prediction was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. This time, she said, he had made a terrible mistake. There wasn't a cloud anywhere within 10 miles of the village. As a matter of fact, that day had been the most beautiful day that the town had ever had and it was quite obvious to everyone that it simply wasn't going to rain.

He told her she was to be quiet and listen to him. If he said it was going to rain, IT WAS GOING TO RAIN. He had all of his Russian heritage behind him and he knew what he was talking about. She argued that although he came from a proud heritage, IT STILL WASN'T GOING TO RAIN.

They argued back and forth for hours , so much that they went to bed mad at each other.

During the night, sure enough one of the worst rainstorms hit the village the likes of which they had never seen. That morning when Rudolf and his wife arose, they looked out the window and saw all the water that had fallen that night.

"See," said Rudolf, "I told you it was going to rain." His wife admitted: "Once again your prediction came true. But I want to know, just how were you so accurate, Rudolf?" To which he replied, "You see, Rudolf the Red knows rain dear!"

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Everybody knows about the Fujita Scale which measures the power of tornados. But nobody really knows what all those types of twisters do to COWS. So here is the MOOJITA Scale...
MOOJITA SCALE

M0 Tornado- Cows in an open field are spun around parallel to the wind flow and become mildly annoyed
M1 Tornado- Cows are tipped over and can't get up
M2 Tornado- Cows begin rolling with the wind
M3 Tornado- Cows tumble and bounce
M4 Tornado- Cows are AIRBORNE
M5 Tornado- S T E A K ! ! !


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Every last one of these came from Weather Images humor. Give those guys a hand!

Y'all, when I was a kid, this was my favorite show EVER. A neighbor would come over every afternoon and tell me the jokes from the day's episode. Good times.




Until I write again ...

Flea

12 comments:

Robin said...

ahahaha I loved Welcome Back Kotter.

I wish it would show up on reruns somewhere.

Marguerite said...

STEAK! :D

Flea. Robin. Me loves me some hulu!
http://www.hulu.com/welcome-back-kotter

Debbie said...

Was and is still a HOTTIE. This got me moving this morning...

Gilit Frank said...

Thanks for the trip down memory lane. I also loved Welcome Back Kotter, but my girlfriends were torn between Henry Winkler (The Fonz/Happy Days) and John Travolta.

Daryl said...

Giggles and guffaws here

Trisha said...

Love the funnies! I think our picture is "cute!"

Lori said...

Snortin' while you're snorin'. Thanks!

Laura ~Peach~ said...

john was something else back then LOL.
s t e a k LOL

Donalyn said...

Love the jokes, even if Welcome Back Kotter does make me shudder with nausea. :D

Ellyn said...

STEAK! LOL. I love a good cow joke.

imbeingheldhostage said...

You would really laugh if you knew how hard I had to think before I got the "coast is clear" one. Then I couldn't stop laughing-- MIss Ky thinks I'm laughing with her and that makes it even funnier. Thanks!

Karen said...

Thanks....I really needed that!!