Y'all know that this Sunday was Father's Day. My bad, not posting at all. It was a weird weekend. Not that that ever slows me down. But I had a lot of thinking to do.
I've written about my family here, how much I love and enjoy them. My kids, they love grandma to little bits and pieces, and they thoroughly enjoy their three girl cousins, as well as uncle Lil' Bro and his lovely wife, their aunt. As for the Evil Sister, I think they like her most of all. When she's visiting, or when we meet up with ES and the Not So Evil Uncle, the kids wig out on me. The kids think they're the coolest relatives to walk the planet. It has nothing at all to do with that horrid Annoy-A-Tron she gave them last year ...
So this weekend, it being Father's Day, there were weird vibes going on in my house. The Hunny, he doesn't do holidays well. Especially not the parental day types. I must say he's done much better in the last year or two.
I don't ever talk about his family here. We left Florida and moved half way across the country for a reason. Many reasons. The in-laws are one of the big ones. We had, the last couple of years in Florida, very strained relations with them. Moving was freedom for us. It was peace. It was the opportunity to be a family for the first time. To love each other and get to know each other, to get to know ourselves. For our children to be OUR children. It was GOOD.
It IS good. It gets better every day. But like most things in life, it had to get worse before it got better. And we still have our bad days. Holidays are worse than most bad days. Too much associated with them.
This is all disjointed, I know. My apologies. I don't have a better way to do this. Several of you write about your families from the stance of anonymity. I love that. I'm not anonymous and don't want to be. Neither do I want or need to talk about the past and the ugliness. Much. I don't especially feel the need to be anonymous, either.
See, my in-laws, a few of them, are difficult people. The parents, really. I can't speak to them or be near them anymore. It's not productive. I can't be loving in the relationship. I don't really like them, truth be told.
Because of the family dynamic, because my Hunny couldn't be free of it till he was nearly 40, the family is toxic for us. Granted, had we handled things differently as newlyweds, or as new parents, we might actually have a relationship with them now. But we thought things were normal. They weren't. They were very sick. Are very sick.
So here we are in Tulsa. Surrounded by family we love, who love us, who we're finally getting to know well. Faced with the stark difference in the life we once led and the one we lead now. It still boggles my mind. I'm so grateful for my family, for what we have now, for people who love us all unconditionally.
I don't hate my in-laws. I don't like them either. I think that they're people I'll probably never be able to be near again, for anything more than a wedding or a funeral. I'm okay with that. Really. But it hurts my heart to watch my Hunny hurt. And it does my heart good every day he steps into freedom a little bit more.
Sorry. I know I'm not being all detail oriented about the situation. I don't want to hash through the sordid details. Shoot, I don't want to remember them, period. Believe me, I have lots of stories. None of them funny, really. All just really sad. Who wants to live through that twice? I figure I'm doing enough damage with this post, since I'm not even remotely anonymous. *sigh*
But it needed to be said. For sanity's sake.
Until I write again ...