Funny Bone Monday

Happy Funny Bone Monday, the Grocery and Food Edition! Today's post is the result of the video, recieved last week in an email. It cracked me up, so I thought I'd share.

Enjoy!

****************************

From comedian Steven Wright:

I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman'.

Is it true cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery.
When I got there, the guy was locking the front door.
I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.'

He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'

Since Americans throw rice at weddings,
do Asians throw hamburgers?

I'm at Seaworld at a seafood restaurant. I'm halfway through my fish

burger and I realize, Oh my God.. .. .. I could be eating a slow learner.

I went to a restaurant that serves
'Breakfast At Any Time.'
So I ordered French Toast
during the Renaissance.

If a parsley farmer loses a law suit,do they garnish his wages?

****************************

Quick! Grab a small child! These riddles are 'specially for them!

Question: You throw away the outside and cook the inside. Then you eat the outside and throw away the inside. What did you eat?
Answer: Corn on the cob: You throw away the husk, then cook it, eat the corn, then throw away the cob.
---------------------------

Question: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Answer: Pumpkin pi.
---------------------------

Question: What did the grape say when he was sat on?

Answer: Nothing, he just let out a little whine.
---------------------------

Question: What do you call a stolen yam?
Answer: A hot potato.
---------------------------

Question: What was green and a great trick shooter?

Answer: Annie Okra
---------------------------
Question: What did the carrot say to the wheat?

Answer: Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet.
Shel Silverstein
---------------------------

Question: What what can you make from baked beans and onions?
Answer: Tear gas.
---------------------------

Question: What is a Honeymoon Salad?

Answer: Lettuce alone, with no dressing.
---------------------------

Question: What lives in winter, dies in summer, and grows with its root upward?
Answer: An icicle.
---------------------------

Question: An old Arab riddle goes like this:
Our servant is green.
Her children are born white and then grow black.
Who is she?

Answer: An olive tree.---------------------------

Question: What is green and goes to a summer camp?

Answer: A Brussels' scout.

****************************

These crack me up. Found them at Kitchen Funnies.

The Top 10 Pickup Lines Used By Chefs:

10. "Your eyes are like limpid pools of chicken stock."
9. "I know we've just met, but will you marinate me?"
8. "Cumin here often?"
7. "How do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled, or fertilized?"
6. "Care to come back to my place and kick it up a notch?"
5. "Hey, weren't you in my 'Introduction to Melons' class?"
4. "We've now simmered for the recommended 25 minutes - time to
come to a full boil!"

3. "You're twice as sweet as a creme brulee - and less drippy."

2. "Get the buttah."

... and the Number 1 Pickup Line used by Chefs:
1. "Uh, yeah ... I invented Spaghetti-O's"

Considering my feud with McDonald's, I couldn't help but share this one:

The Top 10 Rejected McDonald's New Items:

10. Salmon McNella
9. McKitty Sandwich8. Chicken McBobbitts
7. McGristle
6. Way Too Damn Happy Meal
5. McShrooms
4. The Depressed Meal
3. McMenudo
2. Filet O'Gefilte Fish
... and the #1 Rejected McDonald's New Item:
1. Rocky Mountain McOysters

A Blonde walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, she asks, "What is that?"
The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos."
The Blonde then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
So she buys one.
The next day, she brings it to work with her. Her boss asks, "What is that shiny object?"
She replies "It's a thermos."
He asks, "What does it do?"
She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
He then asks, "What do you have in there?"
"Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."

A preacher goes to a nursing home to meet an elderly parishioner. As he is sitting there he notices this bowl of peanuts beside her bed and takes one. As they talk, he can't help himself and eats one after another.
By the time they are through talking, the bowl is empty. He says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I seem to have eaten all of your peanuts.""That's okay," she says. "They would have just sat there. Without my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off and put them back."

****************************

OMG. I'm considering ordering this one for my fridge:

****************************

Someone sent me this link and it cracked me up. Enjoy!

Oh, I can't help myself. We need another video.

Until I write again ...

Flea