Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I Will Survive

Y'all, I just don't have the wherewithall to post lately. WTH?!? So what am I doing? Sitting here playing Worst Case Scenario with Red Rocks. Do you know?

How to treat a diver who has an air embolism?
Lay the victim in the head down position on his or her left side, administering oxygen if it is available.

How to prevent bunions while lost in the wilderness?
Apply heat to the bunion to break up the inflammation.
And Red Rocks points to his foot, saying, "You get bunions from wearing fancy shoes."

How to treat an animal bite?
Wash the bite thoroughly, then keep it covered with a sterile bandage.

How to tan a hide?
After soaking the hide in water, smash the animal's brains into a thick moisturizing solution, then work it into the hide.

How to fix a leaking radiator?
Put a broken egg or tobacco from six crumpled cigarettes into the radiator, then put the cap on loosely.

How to find water in the wilderness?
Look for the area where animal trails merge into one path.

How to prevent flatulence?
Eat slowly, and chew food thoroughly.
Red Rocks response to this was, "That's easy. Don't eat beans. And why would you want to prevent flatulence?"

I know, right? You just haven't lived until you've had your butt whipped in a survival game by a 12 year old boy scout.

Until I write again ...



Leenie said...

"And why would you want to prevent flatulence?" LOL BTW loved the Jeanne Robertson video from Funny Bone Monday.

Ellyn said...

Good to know stuff. Thanks.

MIT Mommy said...

I've only played once but it was with an intensive care nurse, a 5th grader and a hobby mechanic.

Yeah, I lost.

Daryl said...

I wonder what else the 'thick moisturizing solution' is good for aside from tanning a hide ... I thought tanning a hide was like spanking ...

CanadianMama said...

I'm with Red Rocks, flatulence is WAY too funny to prevent haha! Oh and when did you start selling your smocks? They are so cute, now I just need a girl to wear them...

Unknown said...

and to think i never knew how to tan a hide...i seriously thought you were gonna say...get a big black belt LOL you know where my brain has been lately...

I feel so much smarter now-thanks

Anonymous said...

I think you could rub any fatty substance into the hide for tanning. I'm stopping myself from continuing that thought process though. Mustn't share every thought that wobbles through my mind...

Be good to yourself!

Warty Mammal said...

About two questions into this, I was thinking "boy scout".

"... why would you want to prevent flatulence?"

LOL! Snort. I had a related discussion with my husband.

Me: "I guess when the boy gets older, he probably won't want to eat my chili on school nights."

Husband: "Why?"

Me: "Well ... you know."

Husband: "He won't care."

Me: "!!!! How could he not care?! Surely he won't want to pass gas in front of schoolmates?"

Husband: "Maybe not, but I think most males aren't concerned enough about it to change their diets."

Wow. Evidently there's a whole world out there I was unaware of. A world in which one doesn't have to be concerned about flatulence.