Monday, August 3, 2009

Funny Bone Monday

Welcome to Funny Bone Monday, that time each week when I reward my best bloggy friends with laughs to start their week, and I sleep off the long weekend. Heh. Today's topic is laundry! I don't think I've done a laundry Funny Bone post yet. If I have, someone will alert me, I'm sure. So sit back, read, and prepare to at least chuckle!


Tumble Dry, Normal, No Heat.
It's time to pluck your eyebrows.
Disembodied hands are in the water supply.
Do Not Wash, you smelly, French freak.
You may exchange this garment to pay for a parking ticket.
sin µ / cos µ = tan µ / 1
Landing Pad for the Mothership.
The Volcano God is satisfied with his laundry.
Two virgins are required for sacrifice.
You have angered the Volcano God.
Your television is levitating. The acid has definitely kicked in.
Do Not Dry - this garment should be kept constantly wet. If it dries, it may catch fire while you wear it.
It's time to write your great aunt that thank-
you note.
Your prison sentence is halfway over.
My passion for you has waned.
It would be an excellent day to fly a kite.
Since you have not returned this garment to the original owner, your friendship is over.
An iron has fallen from the sky and crushed a
There is no freaking explanation for this.

I love these. I swiped them from All Day Coffee.

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner "Mom & Pop" grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent.

The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

"Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
"Oh, he died," the boy said.

The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."

"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."

"Oh? What was it then?"

"I think it was the spin cycle!"

<Grabbed this from Humor Planet

Marriage is about the most expensive way for the average man to get laundry done. -- Burt Reynolds

For all of you whose children are going to college in a few weeks:

<Time to do the laundryThe Top 10 Signs That Its Time To Do The Laundry

  1. You're wearing your last pair of underwear in the shower consistently.
  2. You've worn your sheets to school because you can't get them off of you.

  3. Your socks act like a shirt does when its heavily starched and emit a serious funk.

  4. Your roommate walks around wearing a full body medical suit like they did in the movie "Outbreak" to avoid catching the Ebola virus.

  5. The Snuggle Bear on the softener bottle officially died last week.
  6. The DEA's drug sniffing dog is always coming by to sniff your laundry because the strong stench makes him think you have 28 tons of pot in your closet.

  7. Even after sewing 28 spring scented dryer sheets to the inside of your shirt, your friends still say you reek.

  8. The phrase "Wash Me" is visibly written in your jeans.
  9. Your red T-shirt is now green.

  10. The boss pulls you aside to remind you that your company's casual days does not include your college graduation gown and scuba diving fins.
Harvested this "clean" joke from Aha! Jokes


Roman Laundry

One fine day in ancient Rome, Julius Caesar turned his attention to a problem plaguing his mighty empire: laundry.

Getting all those white togas clean was a constant pain. He also had some weird ideas that if he could get the togas stiff enough, they would be like a light coat of armor... not enough to last through a sustained battle, but enough to ward off an assassin's arrow.

He figured the easiest way to get this done on a large scale would be to dump a bunch of detergent into a tidal pool, and dump the toga's in afterwards. (This was two thousand years ago... the environmental movement was restricted to a few druids here and there). The gentle motion of the tides would wash the dirt out. Afterwards, all that would have to be done would be to throw some starch in, and then pull the toga's out to dry.

He assigned this task to some of his scientists and engineers. They started executing his plan, and all was going well until they threw in the starch. The goddess of nature, angered at the environmental destruction, caused a huge tidal wave to spring up and wash over the assembled workers. A stiff breeze afterwards dried them off so quickly they were all frozen into place.

After a little while, Caesar began to wonder about the progress of the enterprise, so he decided to visit the site with some of his advisors. Arriving at the tidal pool, he was unable to make heads or tails of the sight of his workers stuck standing there.

Until of course, one of his advisors whispered to him: "Beware, the tides of starch."

This groaner came from Funny Jokes

Today's video *du du du duuuuu* ... is:

Until I write again ...


1 comment:

MaBunny said...

Loved ' em! the top 10 list was a hoot! a graduation gown and flippers - hahahahahaha