Funny Bone Monday

Welcome to Funny Bone Monday, the Back to School Edition! My children head back to school on Thursday (let's all pause for a moment of silence ... now break out the party hats!). Hope you enjoy!

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This is an awesome site, where teachers tell stories from the classroom:

I teach 8th grade U.S. history. I constantly remind my students that accurate spelling is very important in social studies. Despite this, during our unit on colonization I cannot describe how many settlers were seeking religious freedom in William Penn's colon!!!

I am a preschool teacher of 3 to 5 year old children. I was doing a science experiment with worms to start a worm farm in our class. As I was putting on rubber gloves( Like doctors and dentists wear) I asked the children in the circle "Who wears rubber gloves?" expecting the answer "doctors." One child raised his hand and said "My Mom does when she changes her hair color."

It was my first year of teaching, and I was blessed to teach 8th grade Language Arts. They had to do an autobiography of themselves. One male student did not turn his in till almost two weeks later. This is what he wrote: The biggest moment of my life was when I got my period for the very first time.

Maybe next time this gentleman will read the report before "borrowing" it for a grade.

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A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that term.

What a beautiful thing. Found here.

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"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!"

Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Patty: Seven!

Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Patty: Seven!

Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got?

Patty: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Patty: Seven!

Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?

Patty: I've already got one rabbit at home now!

These cute jokes were found here.

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And I love the Basic Jokes site:

It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "

That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"

"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter.

The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."

"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.

"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.

"Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.

The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.

"Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.

The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"

With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.

Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"

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How could this not be the video for the day? I squishy heart them all!

Until I write again ...

Flea