Funny Bone Monday

Welcome to Funny Bone Monday, the Yogi Berra edition! The nurse I work with had never heard of Yogi Berra-isms, so I thought this might be a fun time to catch up on some favorite quotes. Today won't be all Yogi's. I"ll scatter in other silly quotes just for fun.

Y'all have a great Monday! And don't forget to enter the contest!

*******************************

• "This is like deja vu all over again."

• "You can observe a lot just by watching."

• "He must have made that before he died." -- Referring to a Steve McQueen movie.

• "I want to thank you for making this day necessary." -- On Yogi Berra Appreciation Day in St. Louis in 1947.

• "I'd find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I'd return it." -- When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars.

• "Think! How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?"

• "You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."

• "I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early."

• "If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else."

• "If you can't imitate him, don't copy him."

• "You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six."

• "Baseball is 90% mental -- the other half is physical."

• "It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much."

• "Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting."

• "A nickel isn't worth a dime today."

• "Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded."

• "It gets late early out there." -- Referring to the bad sun conditions in left field at the stadium.

• "Glen Cove." -- Referring to Glenn Close on a movie review television show.

• Once, Yogi's wife Carmen asked, "Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?" Yogi replied, "Surprise me."

• "Do you mean now?" -- When asked for the time.

• "I take a two hour nap, from one o'clock to four."

• "If you come to a fork in the road, take it."

• "You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough in the second half you give what's left."

• "90% of the putts that are short don't go in."

• "I made a wrong mistake."

• "Texas has a lot of electrical votes." -- During an election campaign, after George Bush stated that Texas was important to the election.

• "Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself." -- After being told he looked cool.

• "I always thought that record would stand until it was broken."

• "Yeah, but we're making great time!" -- In reply to "Hey Yogi, I think we're lost."

• "If the fans don't come out to the ball park, you can't stop them."

• "Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel."

• "It's never happened in the World Series competition, and it still hasn't."

• "How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don't know how to spell my name." -- Upon receiving a check from Jack Buck made out to "bearer."

• "I'd say he's done more than that." -- When asked if first baseman Don Mattingly had exceeded expectations for the current season.

• "The other teams could make trouble for us if they win."

• "He can run anytime he wants. I'm giving him the red light." -- On the acquisition of fleet Ricky Henderson.

• "I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?"

• "It ain't the heat; it's the humility."

• "The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase."

• "You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."

• "I didn't really say everything I said."

Found at Things People Said

*******************************

Howard Ogden
Cab drivers are living proof that practice does not make perfect.

Henny Youngman
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

Spike Milligan
My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.

Martin Terman
Those people who tell me that I'm going to hell while they are going to heaven somehow make me very glad that we're going to separate destinations.

Al McGuire
I don't know why people question the academic training of an athlete. Fifty percent of the doctors in this country graduated in the bottom half of their classes.

Elbert Hubbard
If you can't answer a man's argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.

Geoffrey Household
I have noticed that what cats most appreciate in a human being is not the ability to produce food, which they take for granted -- but his or her entertainment value.

George Burns
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and having the two as close together as possible.

Found at Silly Quotes

*******************************

For the cat lovers out there:

"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will pee on your computer." - Bruce Graham

"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." - Unknown

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." - Anonymous

"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." - Jeff Valdez

"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats." - English proverb

"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat." - Ellen Perry Berkeley

"One cat just leads to another." - Ernest Hemingway

"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." - Mary Bly

"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia." - Joseph Wood Krutch

"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." - Faith Resnick

"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats." - Anonymous

"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." - Hippolyte Taine

"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." - Unknown

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer

"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart." - Ernest Menaul

"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."

"Time spent with cats is never wasted." - Colette

"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." - Missy Dizick

"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats." - Colonial American proverb

"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want." -Joseph Wood Krutch

"I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic"

"My husband said it was him or the cat ... I miss him sometimes."

"Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit.

*******************************

Today's video - well, what can I say?

Until I write again ...

Flea