Welcome to Funny Bone Monday, the Hair edition! This one is so J the Grockle will have something interesting to say next time she goes to a military function with her husband. :)
I'll be sleeping in today. Thanks for all your well wishes and concern last week. I'm still on the mend. Worked this weekend and am WORN OUT. Night all!
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Science has found that only one thing can prevent baldness...hair!
What do you call a bunch of bunnies hopping backwards?
A receding hare line.
The best thing about being bald is...
when her folks come home, all you have to do is straighten your tie.
What's the difference between an ape, an orphan, a prince, and a bald man?
An ape has a hairy parent, an orphan has nary a parent, a prince is an heir apparent, and a bald man has no hair apparent.
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday?
"Thanks, I'll never part with it!"
A woman was cutting her husband's thinning hair, when their teenage son arrived home looking for a snack. She ofered a kiwifruit and tried to tempt him with its nutritious qualities. "It has more vitamin C than an orange," she remarked. "And more hair than Dad," added their son.
A bald man took a seat in a beauty parlour. "How can I help you ?" asked the stylist."I went for a hair transplant." the guy explained, "but I couldn't stand the thought of having any discomfort. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000."
"No problem, " said the stylist, and she quickly shaved her head.
"No problem, " said the stylist, and she quickly shaved her head.
If a man is bald at the front, he is a thinker. If he is bald at the back, he is sexy. If he is bald from front to back - he thinks he is sexy.
Lots of men are losing their hair and most are very upset by that. But not all of them. I casually mentioned to Don one night that I thought he was going bald. Don looked at me and said, "I am NOT going bald, I'm getting more head."
A little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."The little girl thought about this revelation for a while, and then said, "Momma, how come *all* of grandma's hairs are white?"
There was a blonde standing by the road holding out two pieces of toast. Someone walked past and asked why she was doing that. The blonde replied, "I'm waiting for the traffic jam."
A blonde and a brunette jump off a cliff. Which one will get to the bottom first?
The brunette, because the blonde will ask for directions!
Because sometimes it's the only thing we can do about a bad haircut
Let it Grow!(sung to the tune of "Let it Snow!")
Lyrics by S. M. Schmidt (with profound apologies to Sammy Cahn and Jule Styne)
Oh my newly bobbed hair is frightful
My long hair was so delightful
That stylist is now my foe
Let It Grow! Let It Grow! Let It Grow!
My tears are finally drying
Cut the damage due to dyeing
I'll let it turn white as snow
Let It Grow! Let It Grow! Let It Grow!
It doesn't show signs of stopping
My butt it will soon be topping
Only one more foot to go
Let It Grow! Let It Grow! Let It Grow!
ReallyREALLYReally BAD Hair JokesDon't blame me, I didn't write 'em!
Trying to control my dry hair, I treated my scalp with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave an odor, I washed my hair several times. That night when I went to bed, I leaned over to my husband and asked, "Do I smell like olive oil?"
"No," he said, sniffing me. "Do I smell like Popeye?"
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they have honeycombs."
Middle age is when a woman's hair begins to turn from gray to brown."
Then there was the man who got in legal trouble for stepping over Rapunzel's hair, which trailed on the floor. He was arrested for tresspassing.
There were three boys deciding which color of suit they should wear to Prom. The first boy said, "Let's decide by following the color of our dad's hair. My dad's hair is black, so I'm wearing black."
The second boy said, "My dad's hair's white, so I'm going to wear white."
The third boy said, "Boy, am I glad we decided to do this, now I don't have to decide!"
"Why?" the other two boys asked.
"Because my father doesn't have hair!"
A man went in to a bar, sat down and ordered a drink. Because it was early, there was no one else around except the bartender. The man reached for the pretzels and as he started to eat one he heard, "Hey, pssst, nice pants!"
"Did you say something?" he said to the bartender.
"No."
"Hmmm, maybe I'm hearing things," he thought.
He started eating the pretzels again and heard, "Psst, hey! Nice shirt!"
"You said something, didn't you?" he said to the bartender.
"No, I didn't. What are you talking about?"
"Nevermind." He went back to the pretzels, looking around warily from side to side. Then he heard it again.
"Psst! Nice haircut!"
"All right, that's it!" the man said, jumping up. "Someone keeps saying things like, 'Nice hair,' and I *know* I'm not going crazy!"
"Oh!" said the bartender. "I know what that is! It's the pretzels! They're complimentary!"
Why did the hairdresser put lipstick on her head?
Because she was trying to make up her mind.
(submitted by Ann Sarich)
I found these at Hair Schtick
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I also found these at the hair restoration site:
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Video for the day!
Until I write again ...
Flea
4 comments:
You do find interesting topics for your jokes! The mocumentary was fun.
hahaha i am printing this out for eric so he can see that he is not alone in his male pattern baldness...well misery loves company right?
I so needed a good laugh this morning, thanks for all that Flea! Glad you are on the mend!Hope to ttys!
~snark~ "getting more head"
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