Thursday, October 1, 2009

Posthumously

I haven't been getting around the bloggy world much the last few weeks, but that will be remedied this weekend. Promise. BUT! One of the many things which has kept me busy is the writing and outlining of a book. Yes! A real-live book. So you don't think I'm lying and that I simply don't love you anymore, I'm going to give you a tiny taste of what I'm doing. This little prologue to my book is also my entry in Michelle's Write Away contest this month over at Scribbit. The subject matter is Fear.

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Many a book and screenplay are written by shrinks – excuse me, licensed therapists – who think they’ve cornered the market on crazy. I’ve read quite a few – in my profession I’d go nuts if I couldn’t laugh at myself. They’d lock me away if I couldn’t laugh at my patients. Privately, of course.

I only wish this were the cathartically hilarious tell-all most people enjoy. I also wish it didn’t have to be published posthumously. For my own sake, my family’s, I have no choice.

First, no, I’m not a mob shrink. Nothing so tame as that. Second, I know most of you will reject this out of hand as incredible, unbelievable, as outright lies, or the ravings of a lunatic. I honestly wish that was so. For a long time I was looking for hidden cameras, questioning my own sanity. Eventually I was only looking for an escape. Resignation is all I have left. That, and a stubborn determination to do my job well until I draw my last breath.

Here it is: I am a psychiatrist. My clients are vampires. I’m chronicling their sessions, based on my notes, in an effort to … I’m no longer sure why. I just have to write or go insane. Having to keep this secret is killing me slowly, driving me to the brink. You, if anyone reads this, will view the slow disintegration of a capable, confident professional.

So let’s start at the beginning, with my first client, Rowan Woode.

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He wasn’t what I expected.

There was no cape. No widow’s peak. No long, glistening, visible fangs. Maybe visions of Sesame Street danced in my head and I expected a nefarious laugh, following a counting spree. Whatever I expected, the first one to walk through my door wasn’t it. In fact, it was weeks before I even suspected.

Up front I’ll tell you that much of vampire lore is correct. Most legend, most mythology, is born of truth, of things almost too fantastical to believe, then spun into fantasy, larger than any life or truth could ever be.

I’ve found, in my years of probing, that yes, vampires do avoid sunlight at all cost. Yes, they do suck blood, killing most of their victims, or turning them, in rare instances, into vampires. Yes, they are technically “the undead”.

Contrary to Bugs Bunny cartoons, none have the ability to transform into bats, winging away at the slightest hint of trouble. Not even I believed that one. No, they don’t sleep in coffins during the day, unless they’re in a particularly tricksome mood. No, they aren’t terrified of clergy and crosses, though they do tend to avoid them for the most part. There are the few who will seek out a priest for a theological debate – and snack.

What I can tell you for certain, at least in my experience, is that vampires as a whole seem to be miserable, depressed, lonely. Like most of the rest of society, but more so.

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As my friend, Savvy, said when I asked when I could read the next two chapters of her work in progress - "When it's in Barnes & Noble!"

Until I write again ...

Flea

14 comments:

Karen said...

Well hurry up.....I am going to need to make a trip to Barnes and Noble sometime this month. :)

It sounds like a book I will love.

♥georgie♥ said...

so do you accept united health care? I am in need of a good therapist

Heather said...

This a jewel, Flea. I simply love it...so full of biting wit. Sorry. Couldn't help myself. :)

Daryl said...

Can we pre-order it?

Marguerite said...

I want a 1st edition copy, signed. Can I also go on to be one of those, "I knew them before they were famous" types? :D

zobabe said...

Mine must be signed, if I have to drive to Tulsa to make it happen!! Oh, no... I played my hand too soon. Now you'll FORCE me to drive out there. danged. FOILED AGAIN!!!! *shaking stubby little fists at google maps*

Scribbit said...

So do they glitter??

With golden eyes and eyebrows that scream for plucking?

Scribbit said...

The suspense!

Anonymous said...

Really draws you in - good style!
What no bats - not even in the belfry?

Mental P Mama said...

Wonderful....may even leave my window open tonight;)

MUD said...

My problem is that I can always sound witty for a page or two but soon run out of funny banter and resort to the droll dry humor that is my life. About the content of one blog is my limit but I'm working on it. Love what you have. MUD

♥georgie♥ said...

hope your having a FAB weekend-this weather is awesome!!!! I ♥ Fall

Stopping by with a SSS update:
we sent out the first round of q&a's last night if you did not receive an email from us please click the link below and follow the instructions-if you did get the email and have filled out the q&a you are good to go-your answers were automatically entered in our google doc form...
Thanks and we are so excited you are joining the SSS
http://georgienba.blogspot.com/2009/10/secret-santa-soiree-official-411.html

Ellyn said...

Point me in the direction of Barnes and Noble. I would love to read it.

Trisha said...

Okay - now that you have me hooked and wanting more . . . I have to wait until it is PUBLISHED????? WHAT?

It looks good, Flea!