Monday, December 14, 2009

Funny Bone Monday

Happy Funny Bone Monday!

Tis the week before Christmas and all through blogville
Not a blogger is sleeping or resting or still

That's all I got. I haven't been sleeping or resting or still. This is the crazy time. I'm reading others' blogs hit or miss. Making gifts, wrapping gifts, throwing parties, RSVPing to last minute parties. Panicking over OMG! THE TEACHER GIFTS!!! Yeah. I'm making those too. Found some adorable tiny wooden toy chests and ... you guessed it ... I'm burning them. I'll show you when I'm done what I've done with them. For less than three bucks apiece, I think I did well.

So. On to Funny Bone Monday. What's funny this week? Not much. Everything's stressful. I'm trying to remember to laugh and smile and breathe. I'm guessing some of you are too. So, to help us all to do that, we're going to bake holiday treats, 'k?

************************

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies Notes

Ingredients

  • 1 cup water
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1 cup brown sugar
  • 1 cup lemon juice
  • 4 large eggs
  • 1 cup nuts
  • 2 cups dried fruit
  • 1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Serves / Yields

One

Preparation Instructions

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl; check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK; try another cup ...just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor... Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS!

Found this at the Spice House and it made me smile


************************
I was thinking I might actually try making fruitcake this year. Until I found this recipe:

Christmas Fruitcake Recipe

Items Needed:
-------------
4 Oz. Fruit Bits
1 Railroad Tie
Wood Saw
Large Rubber Mallot
Safety Goggles

WEAR YOUR SAFETY GOGGLES. (Children: Get help from an
adult!)
Cut a one-foot section from the middle of your railroad tie.
The resulting
block of wood should be the size and shape of a loaf of
bread.

Then, take some fruit bits and pound them into the block
with your rubber
mallot. Spread the colors around, or you might wind up with
an ugly fruitcake. Don't be afraid to throw some elbow grease
into that mallot!
Good fruit bits should be much harder than the railroad tie,
so you can't
break anything.

For best result, you should pre-treat the fruit bits by
setting them on
top of your garage for a year (or by microwaving them on
HIGH for 30
minutes).

Finally, cover it tightly in plastic wrap, and give your
loved ones the
timeless and enduring gift of fruitcake!

Found that at
Hungry Monster

************************
Well then.

Baking cookies with your cat!

Baking Cookies (with your cat)
1. Look in cookbook for cookie recipe.
2. Get cup of coffee.
3. Get cat off of cookbook.
4. Find that special recipe.
5. Get cat’s nose out of coffee mug.
6. Go to fridge and get eggs.
7. Get dry ingredients from cupboard.
8. Break eggs in small bowl.
9. Sift dry ingredients in large bowl.
10. Answer the phone.
11. Cat ate eggs; get more from fridge.
12. Get cat out of flour bowl and dust cat off.
13. Get Band-Aids for scratches on hands.
14. Throw flour out and get more.
15. Preheat oven for cookies.
16. Looking at cat & wanting to bake cat now.
Cat runs for cover into bathroom.
17. Flour the counter to roll out cookie dough.
18. Big crash in bathroom; run to see what happened.
19. Cat has TP all over floor; stuff spilled
and knocked over on top of bathroom counter.
20. Yell at cat. Cat falls in toilet bowl.
21. Can sense cat is angry.
22. Take cat out of toilet to dry cat off.
23. Get bandages to cover more scratches
on arms and legs.
24. Cleanup bathroom.
25. Hear a thump in kitchen …Oh Golly … now what?
26. Get cat off floured counter in kitchen.
27. Try to pick out cat hairs from flour.
28. Step on cat’s tail and get bitten.
29. Get coat, car keys, and go to store to buy cookies!!!

Found it here


************************
Speaking of recipes for the holidays, I won't leave you without a real one. It's my great-granmother's praline recipe. I haven't tried it yet, but I can't imagine a southern praline recipe going wrong.

Pralines - Mother Percy

1 ½ c. water

2 ½ c. sugar (white)

Let boil until dissolved. Pour in one small 10 ounce can Pet milk and 1 T. butter (heaping). Stir continually until it drops slowly from spoon. Add toasted pecans and ½ t. vanilla extract. Stir continually until it comes to fudge. Pour by spoonful onto buttered platter.


************************

The video - Christmas videos are always fun to find (I want the sweater):



And just because it's the holidays and I love you, sit back, relax, enjoy a little Pomplamoose:



Until I write again ...

Flea

8 comments:

Mental P Mama said...

This makes me thirsty. And tired;) Is it January yet?

Diane said...

Oh so true about the fruit cake. And the cats...

Coffee Bean said...

Hmmmmm... must try the Jose Cuervo one. I must.

Leenie said...

Love that Pomplamoose music! Unpolished and edgy. She's cute.

Karen Deborah said...

the quervo cookies made me lol for reals. pretty funny stuff chicka.

zobabe said...

Ho ho ho! Oh, wait.. Ha ha ha! Those are great. The cat one is so true it ain't even funny, and it can be applied to just about any project that doesn't require power tools (which scare them away). Pomplamoose... how odd, and kewl, and just... neat.

Snooty Primadona said...

Thanks for the snickers! Someone knows my cat....

A True Heart Girl in Jersey said...

Ah-ha! I've found where you post - recently at least. Thank you again for the wonderfulness of your santa-giving. I'm going to stalk you now.