Do You Dream?

I need help, bloggy friends. And I'm afraid to turn to the almighty Google, for fear of what it will tell me. So I'm asking for your wisdom and experience.

I'm dreaming again.

For years I didn't dream. With the exception of the occasional nightmare, I stopped dreaming. The only times I would have the bizarre and vivid pictures flashing through my head at night were when I took Melatonin to help me sleep, which was mostly last summer when I started working nights. My body adjusted, I no longer needed a sleep aid, the dreams were gone again.

I haven't thought much of it till lately. Who misses their dreams? For so many years, most of my dreams were horrid nightmares anyway. Even those stopped, for the most part, and I'll tell you straight up that THAT didn't make me sad. Phew!

Last week I began dreaming again. I thought it an anomaly. But it's been every night now. All night long. And when I half-wake in the early morning, then pass out again, they continue.

As far as I can tell, these are run of the mill dreams. Some are just the daily stuff of life, with enhanced color. Others are bizarre, funny, just weird. None frightening. Nothing really to write home about.

But it has me wondering. Why did I stop dreaming? For so long? Why am I dreaming again? Why now?

Like I said, I'm afraid to Google this. It will tell me I have a tumor. If I have a tumor, I don't want to know it. So tell me what YOU know. Have any of you experienced this before? Know someone who has? Tell me what it means, please?

Until I write again ...

Flea

Summer's Nearly Here

Summer is almost here. I know these things. Rather, my Babies know these things. See this pile o'fur?


It comes from Flash:


And Patches:
They've been shedding like mad! So summer is just around the corner. And I'm so grateful for my lovely five dollar undercoat brush:


Oh, and the kidlets will be out of school in just a couple of days, so summer must be just around the corner!

Until I write again ...

Flea

Need Blogger Comment Help!

I'm really hoping that this isn't just my problem. I hope like crazy that one of you knows how to fix it.

Several of you - Shades of Blonde and Burgh Baby's Mom being the two I frequent most - have switched to a new format in Blogger. I like the look and feel of it. But I can't comment on their posts! It's driving me crazy!

Please tell me one of you has had the same problem? That you know how to fix or bypass it? When I try to comment, below the box for comments, and above the post button, there's a drop down menu which says, "Select profile". When I drop it down, it gives me the options of Google account, Live journal, Aim, Open ID, Name/URL, Anonymous and a few others. I've tried them ALL. Can't leave a comment to save my life.

I've left messages with Blogger's help line. What a joke. There's no help there. So I'm begging you, my bloggy friends, the technically savvy of you, to PLEASE help me? Help me Obi Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.

Until I write again ...

Flea

P.S. Thanks to Daryl, I've been able to leave a comment at Burgh's place via Internet Explorer (ordinarily I'm a Foxfire girl). Unfortunately, after leaving the comment it told me there was an error and locked up on me. I think the key is in my not staying logged on at Blogger, no matter what I do. As soon as I've posted or left the Dashboard, I'm logged off my blog. Grr.

iPhone Dreaming - and Dancing Monkeys!

The Hunny is looking into a new phone. His Crackberry is falling apart after three and a half years (they just don't make electronics the way they used to *sigh*) and he's desparate to talk me into an iPhone. Silly man, trying to talk me into changing carriers AND a new, expensive phone. He makes a pretty darn good argument, but I'm fighting it.

So while he's pining away for the new phone, I'm searching the internets for deals, for reasons why I should let him get the new toy. Besides the obvious, I mean. It's totally COOL. That, and he wants me to get one as well.

I come across this site in the UK, a site selling accessories, and I think, "Maybe having an iPhone WOULD be fun." Now if I only knew how to convert dollars to pounds ...

But look! Look! The iPhone accessories are so much fun! Check out the dog phone holder! Can you see Fred and Bessie hanging out with him? I didn't know such things existed! And LOOK AT THE MONKEY!!! Mr. Monkeysuit would be so JEALOUS! Why didn't someone tell me these things were out there?!? He spins and flashes when the phone is set to stun! I WANT ONE!!!



And who thought that an iPhone charger could be so cool? You people have been holding out on me! I WANT ONE OF THESE, TOO!!! Initially I thought it looked very Star Trek, but did you check out the way the little panels fan out? It totally rocks!


Because Oatmeal Head owns an iTouch (what a stupid idea that was - I told you those things can text, right? That's what we needed, a 15 year old boy with a girlfriend and texting capability), I clicked on the ipod touch accessories button, just for giggles. Not nearly so much fun. No spinning monkeys for my boy. Which he probably appreciates. He's a little embarrassed by his mother's critter escapades. But I was really hoping ...

So I have no idea how I'll order from this company across the pond. Guess I'll find someplace else that offers this cool stuff. Or maybe figure out how to order and see what the prices actually come to in Monopoly money. Wait! That means that I'd be saying yes to the Hunny's iPhone ... I'll keep you posted, 'k? Especially if I get my own iPhone. You KNOW I'll be showing that bad boy off. Along with the flashing, dancing monkey. Heh.

Until I write again ...

Flea

Funny Bone Monday, Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day, all! In honor of our men and women in uniform, who willingly lay their lives on the line day in and day out so I can go about my day in ignorant bliss or misery, I offer today's Funny Bone Monday. Kiss a veteran today, will ya? Lay a big wet one right on their kisser and hug 'em tight. Tell 'em the Good Flea sent ya.

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The story of Uncle Bob

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess"

"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"

"Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was a Green Beret in Vietnam and his helicopter got hit. He had to crash land in enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, " What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Don't mess with Uncle Bob when he's been drinking."

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As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.
The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

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It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.

A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"

The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"

Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied "Sir, Yes Sir!".

The General continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"

The Private didn't agree, but them the private was just a private, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"

The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."

The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said "Sir, Yes Sir!"

The General continued "I got this dog for my wife."

The Private simply said "Good trade Sir!"

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Never mess with a Ranger...

A battalion of marines was on a beach doing a PT workout when the CO of the battalion looked up and saw a lone army ranger standing at attention at the top of a hill.

The CO was curious so he sent a marine up to see what was going on.
As the marine approached the ranger sprinted into the woods, and the marine followed.

Yelling and screaming could be heard coming from the woods, seconds later the Ranger stepped out and stood back at attention.

The CO was still curious so he sent a squad up to investigate.
The ranger ran into the woods and after some yelling and screaming, came back out and stood at attention again.

Now the CO was angry so he sent an entire Platoon up to the top of the hill.
The ranger ran into the woods.

He emerged moments later after sime more yelling and screaming with no sign of the marines anywhere.

The CO had had enough, he sent the entire battalion of marines charging up the hill.

The ranger ran into the woods. More yelling and screaming and this time some gunfire.

Finally a terribly wounded marine crawled out of the woods and reported back to the CO.

The CO inquired "Do you mean to tell me that one army ranger destroyed an entire battalion of marines?"

The marine replied "no sir, it was a trick, there were two of them"

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At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?"

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SUBMARINES ARE SAFER THAN AIRCRAFT .....
THE PROOF IN THIS FACT IS THAT THERE ARE MORE AIRCRAFT IN THE WATER THAN SUBMARINES IN THE SKY.

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The tactful Sergeant...

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."

Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"

"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.

A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up. Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward. NOT SO FAST, McGrath!"

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All from Military Jokes and Military Humor
Aren't they fun? And today's video:



Until I write again ...

Flea

Vote!

Hoping you're all having a lovely Memorial Day weekend. Don't forget to thank a veteran today!

Head to YouTube and vote for OHmommy's tourism video, will ya? She rocks. Just click on the fifth star under her video once you get to it! I searched for "OHmommy" at YouTube and it came right up.



Until I write again ...

Flea

A Day at the Physical Therapist's

Y'all remember my telling you about Red Rocks's tarsal coalition, how he has a bone bridge between the bone on top of his foot and his heel bone? Instead of a joint? It makes him walk funny.

Quick update: he has his orthotics, meaning his feet no longer hurt, and he's in physical therapy for gait training (re-learning how to walk). He calls it gate way training. This week at therapy, I brought a couple of friends who were curious about all that's happened while they've been away.


They enjoyed listening to Red Rocks scream. What the heck have you people been teaching my bovines?! They never used to be sadists.


They also enjoyed a massage, courtesy the massage therapist. I could almost see the year of road wear roll off of them. The therapist seemed to enjoy the experience as well.


Yes, Red Rocks has his calves massaged for about 20 minutes before his workout starts. The muscles and tendons are incredibly tight and short after eleven years of compensating for bad feet. And the massage therapist is an artist - I wanted to take a bite out of that Hostess Cupcake calf. I'm so jealous. But the boy screams the entire time while she works on the knots.


Look! Massage done, he's happy, as is Bessie! She's really relaxed.


We all move to the workout room, where Red Rocks gets to use the Total Gym. He's been waiting to use this machine for two weeks. Fred and Bessie insisted on helping him. Fred was especially keen on working out on the gym Chuck Norris uses. Speaking of which, did you know that Chuck Norris is suing MySpace for taking the name of what he calls everything around him?


I grabbed my baby cows, since I didn't think they'd appreciate the next exercise. We went to visit George while Red Rocks finished up his therapy. Say hi to George!


Isn't he the cutest thing EVER? I love a guy who's not afraid to watch his weight.

Last, probably least, Red Rocks insisted on taking my photo with Fred and Bessie. I was having a very bad hair day, the camera added at LEAST 40 pounds, and I just wasn't in the mood to have my picture taken. So this is what you get:


Until I write again ...

Flea

Put Anvils on Their Heads Already

I must face facts. My children are growing up. Maybelline turned 16 this weekend. She and Hunny have settled into a birthday routine, wherein daddy takes his little girl out for a special birthday dinner every year, so they went for Italian, then browsed the guitar store, where they found her dream pedal and headphones. The pedal plugs into the guitar as well as the Mac, and daddy set up Garage Band for Maybelline. She's in heaven.

See her at her school vocal performance last week?


She's not the only one growing up, though. Oatmeal Head, freshly minted 15, attended a dance recital this weekend. His girl who's a friend was dancing. This is the boy who wears his hats sideways and won't tuck in a shirt to save his life. See?


This is the boy who, with no prompting from his mother, came downstairs looking like this:


I give up. I'm giving them both keys to the car. They can get jobs. And move out. They're too grown up. *sigh*

Until I write again ...

Flea

An Idea Whose Time Has Come

I came home from work Sunday morning, put on my eye shades and readied myself for sleep. My Hunny walked in and made a comment which made me laugh. He stuck around for a bit, talking, and I didn't get any sleep. At all. I had to share his comment, though, or the gist of it.

"Why are you wearing an eye bra?"


See it? I love my eye bra. I can usually sleep all day when I wear it. It supports my eyes, and it makes me feel pretty and feminine. A pink lacy one would be nice.

Got me to thinking. My eye bra has a Velcro strap in the back (the last, cheap one I wore had thin elastic and it broke). Why don't real bras have Velcro closures? It would be a heck of a lot easier to get them on and off. Sneakers now come with Velcro closures, for Pete's sake.

Granted, it would be noisy undressing. Not very romantic, either, especially that "ripping one" sound it would make. And no undressing in the dark without waking the Hunny. His ears would be on high alert for THAT sound. *sigh*

For large ladies like me, who can't even shop for foundation garments at Lane Bryant, a short jog to grab a falling dish, or a jaunt up the stairs, would leave the girls flapping in the breeze. Velcro has staying power, but gravity is a law unto itself. Am I right?

But as a closure for a training bra, or for A and B cups, wouldn't it be convenient? Think about it. Children's shoes use Velcro. Why not pre-adolescent undergarments? It's genius! Too bad I don't get paid for my good ideas.


Until I write again ...

Flea

Well It's About Time ...

They came! They came! They came! The cows came home!!!


Thank you so so so so so much, everyone who has hosted the bovines! I'm going to do this from memory, and it's been over a year, so shoot me if I miss anyone?

Thank you Dlyn, who harbored my little runaways last spring. Thank you Mental Pause Mama, who taught Bessie to drink. Thank you J the Grockle, who toured England with my babies. Thank you Snooty, who introduced Fred & Bessie to dinosaurs and imported beer. Thank you AsthmaGirl, who swooped in to rescue the cows when they were "kidnapped" (I still can't believe I fell for Bessie's tricks) in New Mexico. Thank you also Brute Squad, for interpreting.

Thank you Daryl, for showing the bovines a great time in New York City, and your hubby for entertaining Fred. Thank you Holly, for replacing Carl the Flyswatter with the bovines for a brief bit. Thank you Debbie in CA, for letting the cows simply rest in your cottage. Thank you Laura, for showing them around the koi pond, and the divine Miss EmJay for taking such good care of my baby cows. Thank you Lois, for teaching the cows important lessons on life and love.

Did I miss anyone? I hope not. You've all taken such fabulous care of my babies, rescued them from so many potentially bad situations. I appreciate it!

And I'm glad to have them home. Now if I can just manage to keep them out of trouble ...

Until I write again ...

Flea

Funny Bone Monday

Today's Funny Bone Monday is the aquatic version! You'll see why when you get to the video. My children tortured me with the video, so I thought I'd pass it on, share the love, blah, blah, blah. Heh. Enjoy!

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• Why are fish so smart?

Because they live in schools.

• What has no beginning, end or middle and touches every continent?

The ocean.

• What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea?

It gets wet.

• What happens when you throw a red rock into the Black Sea?

It sinks to the bottom.

• What fish is the most valuable?

A goldfish.

• Why is it so easy to weigh fish?

They have their own scales.

• What's the best way to catch a fish?

Have someone throw it at you.

• Why did the fish cross the road?

Somebody threw it!

• What sea animal can be adjusted to play music?

The tune-a fish!

• What happens when you cross
a great white shark with a cow?

I don't know...
but I wouldn't want to milk it.

• How do you shoot a blue shark?

With a blue shark spear gun.

• How do you shoot a great white shark?

Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun.

• If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what would the movie be called?

Loch Jaws.

• What is purple and lives in the sea and weighs 5000 pounds?

Moby Plum.

• Why are manatees so wrinkled?

Did you ever tried to iron one?

• What's green and squishy and spends a lot of time underwater?

An avocado with an aqua lung.

• What lies at the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck!

• What do you get when you graduate from scuba diving school?

A deep-loma.

• There was a sea scout camp near a beach where the porpoises were so friendly they swam into shore at dinner time. The chef used to announce dinner by yelling: "Dinner! For all in tents...and porpoises."

These arrived via Fish Jokes and Riddles!


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From one of my favorite joke sites:

Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon!

Where do little fishes go every morning?
To plaice school!

What fish goes up the river at 100mph?
A motor pike!

How could the dolphin afford to buy a house?
He prawned everything!

1st kipper: 'Smoking's bad for you'
2nd kipper: 'It's OK, I've been cured'

What kind of fish is useful in freezing weather?
Skate!

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh!

What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours?
A hermit crab!

What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
As far away as possible!

Why did the whale cross the road?
To get to the other tide!

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Tunes you thought you knew, from Fish Jokes:

Sea Eeled With A Kiss
Sealed With A Kiss
Mister Sand Dab
That's a Moray
Clam Every Mountain
A Barracuda Beautiful
It Haddock Be You
Sturgeon, Sturgeon For My Baby
I Need Kelp
When You Fish Upon A Star
When You Wish Upon A Starfish
Shark! the Herald Angels Sing
Fiddler Crab On The Roof
I Loves You, Porgy
You Walrus Hurt The One You Love
Sole Train
Heart And Sole
Carp and Sole
Bernie's Tuna
Blue Monkfish
Zing! Went the Strings of My Carp
My Foolish Carp
Salmon Janet Evening
Nearer My Cod To Thee
This Scampi Love
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat
Oyster Parade

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Had enough? Too bad! Here are some from Carlyle Lake!

A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious now.
The man poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said: "Well?"
"Well, What?" the man responded.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"The FISH."
"What fish?" the man asked.

Submitted by: Les

David, the fisherman, had driven by the lake many times and had seen some other anglers about, so he decided to give his luck a try. On his first day of fishing he had no luck at all but noticed that another fisherman near him that was scooping in one after another. He had to know The Secret. "Excuse me sir, but would you mind telling me what sort of bait you are using?" he asked.

The other man looked around a bit embarrassed. "Well, I am a surgeon, and quite by accident I found that human tonsil works very well."

David thanked the man, thought about what sort of bait to try next time, and left.

The next day, David returned to the lake, tried a different bait and still had no luck. Just as the day before, there was yet a different man reeling in fish after fish. "Excuse me," asked David, "but could you suggest a bait that I could try?"

"Well, I can, but I am not sure it will do you any good. I am using a bit of human appendix."

"Hmm," thought David. It seemed that the fish in this lake would require a little more effort than normal. He left, willing to give the lake one more try.

On the third day, David still had no luck. As was usual, there was yet another man near him bringing in fish left and right. David wanted to confirm what he already knew. "Excuse me sir, but are you a doctor?"

"No, I am a Rabbi." replied the man.

-----------

One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.

About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family.

"You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the businessman to the fisherman, "you should be working rather than lying on the beach!" The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, "And what will my reward be?"

"Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!" was the businessman's answer. "And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still smiling. The businessman replied, "You will make money and you'll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!" "And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman again.

The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's questions. "You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!" he said. "And then what will my reward be?" repeated the fisherman.

The businessman was getting angry. "Don't you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!" Once again the fisherman asked, "And then what will my reward be?"

The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, "Don't you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won't have a care in the world!"

The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, "And what do you think I'm doing right now?"

Submitted by: Gary Reinhardt

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The finale! Today's instrument of torture! The VIDEO!!!



Until I write again ...

Flea

Soon and Very Soon

Fred & Bessie are nearing the end of their adventures. My babies are coming home! They've had a great time at Midlife by Farmlight, and I thank everyone who's hosted the cows, but I'll be so glad to see them again!

We'll be here waiting with games ...


And treats ...


And lots of love!

Have a happy, safe weekend all!

Until I write again ...

Flea

Choose the Pie!

*heavy sigh* Mr Monkeysuit was up to his tricks again yesterday.

I've made a new friend here in Tulsa. She's actually the wife of my one and only former boyfriend from college. We walk. We talk. Yesterday we went to breakfast because it was raining. And Mr. Monkeysuit just couldn't help himself. He wanted the pie AND the friend.


What's a girl to do? I gotta get a new monkey. Good thing Fred and Bessie will be home soon.

Until I write again ...

Flea

Move Over, Fred Rogers!

For those of you looking to waste half an afternoon on line, let me introduce you to my new friend. First, allow me to thank Scribbit for introducing me to my new friend. THANK YOU SCRIBBIT. Yes, I'm shouting. And I can't say she didn't warn me that it would consume my time. She did. Back away now if you don't have the kind of time this will take.


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Tilt Shift Maker turns your photos into miniatures. Freaky-wild. And my children went hungry while I played with it. So stop right now and go make dinner. No, I don't care if it's nine am. Get out your crock pot.

Okay? Now you may go play.


Until I write again ...

Flea

What Does Giving All Really Mean?

I'm reading A. W. Tozer's The Pursuit of God - one of the books on my grad school pre-reading list (you know, in case I ever take another class or something) - and a concept jumps out at me.

I don't know about you, but there are quite a few places in scripture that bother me. There are things which make me want to yell at God, "What were You thinking? How could You do that?!" The story of Abraham sacrificing his son, Isaac, is one of those places.

A quick recap for those of you unfamiliar with the story:
Abraham is the father of the Hebrew people. He was called by God to be the father of untold millions of God's people. Promised. God moved him from his home and kept him moving till he got where he was supposed to be - the Promised Land. Abraham was married to Sarah. For many, many years.

One little glitch - Sarah was barren. No babies coming from her belly. At all. So Sarah hooks Abe up with her maid, Haggar. Tells him if he wants a kid, he's gotta sleep with Haggar. She makes sure God keeps His promise, since God doesn't come through. A promise is a promise, after all.

Years later, one teenager running around the house (Haggar's kid, Ishmael), Sarah gets pregnant. Abraham is about 100 years old. Sarah is 90. NINETY. Yeah. Pregnancy. Labor. Delivery. Abraham falls head over heels in love with this baby boy, Isaac, the promised child, the one who'll be the father of millions.

Fast forward to adolescence, or maybe even young adulthood for Isaac. God talks to Abraham and tells him he has to make a sacrifice, to slaughter on an altar. He has to kill Isaac. The only son of his beloved wife. The promised child, now man. He has to kill his boy.

I never got this. I never got God putting Abraham through this. The "why" of it has always escaped me. Was it just to prove obedience? It seemed very cruel. And I know that there's a lot I don't get about God and never will. I know that I see things through my twisted perspective. But this has always gotten under my skin.

Tozer tells the story for me, while I wait for the punch line. He talks about this old man, his last night with his boy, under the stars while Isaac sleeps (Isaac doesn't know his role in the story yet), wrestling with God, finally giving in.

Tozer talks about Abraham's love for his boy. An all consuming love. Here's how he puts it: "The baby represented everything sacred to his father's heart: the promises of God, the covenants, the hopes of the years and the long messanic dream. As he watched him grow from babyhood to manhood, the heart of the old man was knit closer and closer with the life of his son, till at last the relationship bordered upon the perilous. It was then that God stepped in to save both father and son from the consequenses of an uncleansed love."

I love how Tozer puts it next: "... a man who possessed nothing. He had concentrated his all in the person of his dear son, and God had taken it from him. ... After that bitter and blessed experience I think the words me and mine never again had the same meaning for Abraham. The sense of possession they connote was gone from his heart.."

Tozer began the conversation with possessions - do they possess my heart or does God? How attached am I to the things in my life? I didn't expect him to take it as far as my children. Ouch. To whom do I belong, really?

The story of this sacrifice ends with Isaac tied to an altar, Abraham with knife raised, and an angel interfering at the last minute with a ram in the bush nearby. The favored son is spared. Abraham is a changed man. He was willing to do all God asked. His heart was solely his God's.

This story reminded me of the time, eight years ago, when the Hunny and I could have moved to Tulsa. I wanted it so badly I could taste it. I'd wanted to move here for 12 years prior. I wanted to be out of hot, flat, humid Florida. I wanted to be away from my in-laws. I wanted to be near my brother and his family. My heart was screaming for all of it. It was all I could smell and taste.

Hunny was offered a job in Tulsa. He was only employed part-time, so the offer looked good. I was ecstatic. Over the moon is a mild way to say it. I just knew we were moving to Tulsa!

Hunny and I prayed about it for days. Hunny did NOT want to move. He'd never been away from his family. He certainly didn't want to move away from the ocean. And definitely not to brown Tulsa. But he was willing to listen to God and do what He wanted. My Hunny very specifically asked me to pray. He felt like the answer would come through me.

Can I just tell you how exciting THAT was? I just KNEW we were moving to Tulsa! Why on earth did I even need to pray? But I knew I needed to. So I did.

Do you know where God kept taking me? Over and over to the same place in scripture, whether in my heart, in various readings, in conversation with friends. And I so did not want to tell the Hunny. I only did so with the heaviest of hearts.

God kept taking me to Ruth. Specifically to the part where she tells her MIL that she'll follow her anywhere. I was supposed to let my Hunny make the decision and follow him or stay, as he chose.

When I told the Hunny, his entire face lit up. On his end, he'd been terrified that we'd be moving within a month. Relief was visible all over his face. We stayed. Another five years we stayed.

It took a lot longer than one night wrestling under the stars, but I had to give up something precious to me that day and the days following. I was crushed. But I made the decision to be complete and content where I was. I could have easily lied to my Hunny, could have given him my "maid", told some story, to attain the dream and move. I chose to be obedient, knowing what it would cost.

Looking back, I can see the beauty which has come from the decision. I can see that I had no idea what God was up to. No idea how He planned to grow us both there in Florida. How moving then would have been a VERY BAD thing for us both, for our marriage. But oh how it hurt.

When we finally moved, the time was right. So much has happened, so much water under the bridge. I still don't think I can claim, as Abraham could, that I'm not holding on or attached to something or someone rather than God. But I know the feeling of being so obsessed with an idea, a place, a person, and having to sacrifice it in obedience. I know the crushing, agonizing experience of handing it all over, trusting, but just knowing it will kill me in the process. I also know the abundant blessing on the other side of it.

Thanks for hanging in there with me. I know this isn't the lighthearted Flea today. In a sense, though, I'm much lighter hearted than I once was.

Until I write again ...

Flea

Showing Off Again

Hello Everybodeeee!

Tuesdays are always interesting here. I work and sleep all weekend, catch up on a little more sleep on Monday, and Tuesday I feel as though I'm starting life all over again. Everything from last week? Clean slate. Totally gone.

In an effort to hold onto a little of my weekend, I want to show you my mommy's day gifts. And make you all horribly jealous by telling you that the Hunny and kids made grilled chicken fajitas for my dinner, just before I left for work. They were divine! And my Mommy brought a cheesecake! Perfect! I'm drooling. Excuse me ...

Lookit what my mommy brought me for Mother's Day!


Isn't it beautiful? I squishy heart it something fierce. If you can't tell, it's a creamy orchid, fading into a dusty rose. GORGEOUS. Thank you, Mommy!

Hunny and the kids gave me the one and only thing I asked for (I'm getting better about asking for what I want - yay me!) - a good flat iron! No more borrowing Maybelline's! See it? It has curved plates! And temperature controls (up to 450 degrees!)! And an on/off switch! And the plates are tourmaline!


I haven't used it yet. shut up


You may now return to your regularly scheduled blog reading.

Until I write again ...

Flea

Funny Bone Monday, the Mother's Day Edition

Coming fast on the heels of Mother's Day, this post honors mothers everywhere. With mother humor. Happy Funny Bone Monday all!

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Science Lesson

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.

Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"

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Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married,

Merry Christmas to you, and please don't worry. I'm just fine considering I can't breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my grandchildren. God knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies.

Thank you so much for the Christmas flowers, dear boy. I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds me -- we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but I got to yearning for a good funeral so Aunt Viola and I dug her up and had the services all over again. I would have invited you, but I know that woman you live with would have never let you come. I bet she's never even watched that videotape of my hemorrhoid surgery, has she?

Well son, it's time for me to crawl off to bed now. I lost my cane beating off muggers last week, but don't you worry about me. I'm also getting used to the cold since they turned my heat off and am grateful because the frost on my bed numbs the constant pain. Now don't you even think about sending any more money, because I know you need it for those expensive family vacations you take every year. Give my love to my darling grandbabies and my regards to whatever-her-name-is -- the one with the black roots who stole you screaming from my bosom.

Merry Christmas.

Love, Mom

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Back to school

Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to
tell her that he was misbehaving.

"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved."

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Brownie recipe

Here's a recipe to make Mom's famous brownies!

Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.

Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.

Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr "no, no."

Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.

Take shortening can away from Jr and clean cupboards.

Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.

Take shortening can away from Billy again and bathe cat.

Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail.

Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.

Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation.

Take telephone away from Jr. and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.

Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.

Let cat out of refrigerator.

Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13 inch pan. Bake 25 minutes.

Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy.

Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn.

Throw cat outside while there's still time and he's still able to run away.

Frosting--Mix the following in saucepan: 1 cup sugar 1 oz unsweetened chocolate 1/4 cup margarine.

Take the %$$&#&% teddy bear out of the @#$% broiler and throw it away -- far away.

Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn't know Jr had slipped out of the house and was heading for the street.

Put Jr. in playpen.

Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes.

Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Billy having stuck a garden hose in man's front door mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet.

Tie Billy to clothesline.

Remove burned brownies from oven.

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You Know You're a Mom When ......

1. Your feet stick to the kitchen floor.....and you don't care.

2. When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone's bleeding.

3. You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.

4. You spend an entire week wearing sweats.

5. Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.

6. Popsicles become a food staple.

7. Your favorite television show is a cartoon.

8. Peanut butter and jelly is eaten at least in one meal a day.

9. You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo, regardless of where it is.

10. Your baby's pacifier falls on the floor and you give it back to her, after you suck the dirt off of it because you're too busy to wash it off.

11. Your kids make jokes about flatulence, burping, pooping, etc. and you think it's funny.

12. You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU!

13. Spit is your number one cleaning agent.

14. You're up each night until 10 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, not you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, roller balding, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet...you still managed to gain 10 pounds.

15. In your bathroom there is toothpaste on the light fixtures, water all over the floor, a dog drinking out of the toilet and body hair forming a union to protest unsafe working conditions.

16. You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.

17. The closest you get to gourmet cooking is making rice crispies bars.

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A Mother's Resolutions

1. When I forget to go to the grocery store, I will not boil the macaroni necklaces my children made for me in preschool.

2. When I hear one of my children wake in the middle of the night, I will run upstairs to supervise before he relieves himself in the sink and then creeps into the bathtub to return to sleep.

3. I will pack the kids' lunch boxes the night before so I don't throw in a slab of frozen lasagna as they're running for the bus. "It'll defrost by lunch. If not, you can suck it like an ice pop."

4. I will resist the urge to explain to strangers why my son is wearing winter boots, a bathing suit bottom, and an inside-out and backward pajama top. I will be grateful that he is able to dress himself.

5. I will not tell my children that the Play-Doh dried up just because I don't feel like cleaning up after they use it, even though I know it means I'll spend the evening harvesting the colored stuff from the carpet fibers, chair cushions and the dog's fur.

6. I will always protect the rights of my children, especially their right to remain silent.

7. I will learn to accept the outbursts and tantrums as a part of life. After all, I promised to love my husband for better or worse.

8. When my husband and I go to a restaurant without the kids, I will not roll up his sleeves or move the knives from his reach. I will not accompany him to the bathroom and remind him to wash his hands with soap. If my husband wants dessert at the end of the meal, I will not tell him it depends on his behavior.

9. When I'm tired of hearing "mommieeeeee!" a thousand times each day, I will resist changing my name to "Please pass the spinach" or "TV is boring, I'd rather read."

10. I will develop an ability to have a conversation with an adult that doesn't revolve around labor pains or children's toilet habits. I will feel comfortable in the silence that ensues when neither of us can think of any other topic to discuss or remember we can always discuss the weather.

11. I will be more flexible about children's nutritional requirements by counting the ketchup and green crayon as vegetables.

12. When my children beg for a pet, I will buy them each a hutch for the dust bunnies that have multiplied under their beds. I will let them name each dust bunny.

13. I will count how often I repeat the phrase "You'd better listen because I will not repeat myself", until my children actually notice that I have spoken. I will not raise my voice until I have said it at least that many times.

14. When my kids are older (at least 50), I will explain why they never have any chocolate candy left after Mommy and Daddy "check" their Halloween bags.

15. I will be a good, fair and loving parent to my children. I will provide them with enriching experiences and opportunities. I will give them a solid foundation on which to build a useful life. After all, they may eventually be responsible for choosing a nursing home for me to live out my final days.

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How it felt to give birth

After going through Lamaze, Leboyer, and La Leche classes with his expectant wife, the proud new father remained by her bedside throughout the labor delivery and wanting to be as sympathetic as possible, he took his wife's hand afterward and said emotionally. "Tell, me how it was, darling, how it actually felt to give birth."

"OK, honey," his wife replied. "Smile as hard as you can."

Beaming down at his wife and smile, the man followed her instsuctions. "That's not hard."

She continued, "Now stick a finger in each corner of you mouth." He obeyed, smiling broadly. "Now stretch your lips as far as they'll go," she went on.

"Still not to tough." he remarked.

"Right." she snapped. "Now pull them over your head."

Previous jokes all thanks to Basic Jokes.

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Hope you enjoy the video!



One more!




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Until I write again ...

Flea

P.S. Several of you commented on my lack of a southern accent. While it's true I grew up south of New Orleans, the lack of Southern was a conscious decision on my part and much hard work. Thank you. Thank you all.

Mother's Day Q&A

MeMaw posted a list of questions to ask mom and it's perfect for Mother's Day. My own mother can feel free to answer these questions. Mom?

1. What's the one thing you would have done differently as a mom? I would have been more open and emotional with the kids.

2. Why did you choose to be with my father? It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Really. And lust. Lust played a huge part in the decision.

3. In what ways do you think I'm like you? See Friday's post. And you were all adopted.

4. Which one of us kids did you like the best? Oh geez. The one who listened and did as they were told. The one who mouthed off the most. The one who never cleaned their room. The one who climbed the highest. The one who played quietly when I had a migraine.

5. Is there anything you have always wanted to tell me but never have? Live like there's no tomorrow. Love well, but not indiscriminately. Don't kiss on the first date. Or the second. Even the third. How about not till you're married?

6. Do you think it's easier or harder to be a mother now than when you were raising our family? I think it will probably be about the same. It's all about the choices you make. The choices you and your spouse make.

7. Is there anything you regret not having asked your parents? No. In fact, there are probably things I wish I hadn't asked. Like where do babies come from. I wish I still didn't know the answer to that one. Ow. The stork brings them, sweetie.

8. What's the best thing I can do for you right now? Send me to a spa for the week. And finish your own laundry. And clean your room without my asking. And make good grades!

9. Is there anything that you wish had been different between us -- or that you would still like to change? I would have protected you so much more. Now I just want you to be independent and happy and lovers of God. I want to be home with you all on weekends.

10. When did you realize you were no longer a child? Last week sometime, I think.

Happy Mother's Day, all!

Until I write again ...

Flea

Swine Flu in Oklahoma ...

... and I'm afraid we're the culprits. Look who recently returned from vacation:


Poor Percy. He's only been a widower for the last six months or so (Prissy died in a horrific dusting accident) and felt he needed some time away. Now look what he's brought on all our heads. *sigh*

Until I write again ...

Flea

OHmommy Did It, So I Have To

Vlog, that is. It's so cool! And I don't think I like doing it as much as watching someone else. Don't tell me what you think. I don't want to know. But do go to Classy Chaos and tell OHmommy what you think of her vlog!




Until I ... do something here again ...

Flea

P.S. A friend sent me this quote, just for fun, and I thought I'd share:
Do Not Meddle In The Affairs of DRAGONS For You Are Crunchy And Good With Catsup

Children - Driving Me to Drink or Crazy?

I love Daisy's post today. Head to Compost Happens for a glimpse. I love it so much I'm stealing her idea. It's absolutely perfect for Mother's Day! She compared herself with her children, the ten traits she has in common with each of them. I may not find ten with each child, so I'm limiting it to five.


Maybelline:

1. We both play musical instruments! Granted, hers are piano and guitar and she plays beautifully. Mine is the harmonica and it's been YEARS ...

2. We both have big feet. Boy, am I glad she never reads my blog. I wear a ladies' size eleven and Maybelline wears a ten. She hates hearing that my feet were a ten until I was pregnant with her. Heh.

3. We're both pack rats. I've gotten a lot better about this. Or maybe I've just figured out how better to store tiny things where no one can see them. Maybelline's room is a disaster in progress, bursting at the seams with her own and other people's stuff.

4. We're both social introverts. Yes, you read that right. Social creatures who crave the attention and company of others, but are truly charged by our time alone with our thoughts.

5. We both have delicate sensibilities. You may notice that I rarely cuss. Here and in real life. There are a few words which have wormed their way into my lexicon, for better or for worse, like piss and hell. But that's about as bad as it gets. Maybelline doesn't care for cussing. When she first started public school (two years ago) I thought it was an act, but it seems to be very real. She gets ugly when someone cusses. Even when I say we're going to Taco Hell. Good girl!


Oatmeal Head

1. This child is more like me that the others. We're both so ADD it's not even funny. Absent-minded professors. Short attention span theater. That's us. Don't give either of us an oral list of things to do. After the first one, stop. That's all we retain.

2. Our taste in books and movies is very similar. Two summers ago I read Tarzan and Sherlock Holmes aloud to the boys and OH just ate it up. He especially loves the way Sherlock Holmes thinks. My Mom loaned us a Sherlock video - one of the new BBC productions - and OH is madly in love. We also both adore Princess Bride and Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail.

3. Our humor is very similar. We both are drawn to dry wit, subtle inferences. We differ in that I'm a robust LOLer with stupid humor as well. Most of our humor, though, is about the same. He loves the Chuck Norris jokes - what's not to love?

4. We're both autumns! Yes! Our color palettes are about the same. Meaning that when he stole my zip up hoodie last year and wore it to school nearly all year, no one even imagined it was purchased in the women's department. It's a drab olive with some random graphics appliqued on - not too flashy. I want my hoodie back.

5. That last led here. Neither of us really care what other people think. Really. I know he's 15, and he cares what his peers think, but ultimately, he's going to be who he's going to be. Others can bend to who he is or leave well enough alone. I love that about my boy. He's an original.


Red Rocks, formerly known as Little Guy

1. Talk about an original. Red Rocks has a heart as big as all outdoors. Much of that heart is consumed by animals. His Lou cat, bane of our existence, is his passion. He wants to run animal shelters when he grows up. I, for years, was very passionate about animals. Still am, to a degree. When we gave our first bunny to a third grade classroom, I stayed home from work all day to cry. The stupid rabbit wasn't dead or anything. I just couldn't stand sending it away.

2. Red Rocks would give you the shirt off his back, then take off his pants if you asked for them. He'd head to his room and strip it bare if you wanted his stuff. Come to think of it, that may be the only way I can get him to clean it. Email if you want my address and I'll give you directions. :) I'm similar in that I'll give you just about anything I have. As an adult I've learned to temper it and be reasonable, but I give things away left and right. Drives the Hunny nuts.

3. He loves a quirky t-shirt. His favorites are People Know Me, The Monkey Made Me Do It (evil monkey picture) and one about taking his sister. I love an off-beat t-shirt. My current fave is my Fred Rogers t-shirt asking random strangers to be my neighbor. Quirky tees in my size are a little more difficult to come by.

4. Leads me to saving cash. Red Rocks and I both love Goodwill shopping for our off-beat tees. Neither of us really like to spend money, but we do love new and unusual tees, so we'll hit the Goodwill about once a month. For twenty bucks we get a bag full o'tees!

5. Vocabulary. Both boys share the love of vocabulary, but Red Rocks has the vocab of a 25 year old grad student. I read aloud to the kids a lot when I home schooled them. Mostly because Red Rocks didn't read till he was nearly nine. But he has an auditory memory like nobody's business and has absorbed a huge list of words. Which he regularly uses.

I love my kids. Thanks for reading along. Let me know if you post your own list? I'd love to pop over and read it!

Until I write again ...

Flea