Funny Bone Monday

Welcome to Funny Bone Monday, the Yogi Berra edition! The nurse I work with had never heard of Yogi Berra-isms, so I thought this might be a fun time to catch up on some favorite quotes. Today won't be all Yogi's. I"ll scatter in other silly quotes just for fun.

Y'all have a great Monday! And don't forget to enter the contest!

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• "This is like deja vu all over again."

• "You can observe a lot just by watching."

• "He must have made that before he died." -- Referring to a Steve McQueen movie.

• "I want to thank you for making this day necessary." -- On Yogi Berra Appreciation Day in St. Louis in 1947.

• "I'd find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I'd return it." -- When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars.

• "Think! How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?"

• "You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."

• "I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early."

• "If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else."

• "If you can't imitate him, don't copy him."

• "You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six."

• "Baseball is 90% mental -- the other half is physical."

• "It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much."

• "Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting."

• "A nickel isn't worth a dime today."

• "Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded."

• "It gets late early out there." -- Referring to the bad sun conditions in left field at the stadium.

• "Glen Cove." -- Referring to Glenn Close on a movie review television show.

• Once, Yogi's wife Carmen asked, "Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?" Yogi replied, "Surprise me."

• "Do you mean now?" -- When asked for the time.

• "I take a two hour nap, from one o'clock to four."

• "If you come to a fork in the road, take it."

• "You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough in the second half you give what's left."

• "90% of the putts that are short don't go in."

• "I made a wrong mistake."

• "Texas has a lot of electrical votes." -- During an election campaign, after George Bush stated that Texas was important to the election.

• "Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself." -- After being told he looked cool.

• "I always thought that record would stand until it was broken."

• "Yeah, but we're making great time!" -- In reply to "Hey Yogi, I think we're lost."

• "If the fans don't come out to the ball park, you can't stop them."

• "Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel."

• "It's never happened in the World Series competition, and it still hasn't."

• "How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don't know how to spell my name." -- Upon receiving a check from Jack Buck made out to "bearer."

• "I'd say he's done more than that." -- When asked if first baseman Don Mattingly had exceeded expectations for the current season.

• "The other teams could make trouble for us if they win."

• "He can run anytime he wants. I'm giving him the red light." -- On the acquisition of fleet Ricky Henderson.

• "I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?"

• "It ain't the heat; it's the humility."

• "The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase."

• "You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."

• "I didn't really say everything I said."

Found at Things People Said

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Howard Ogden
Cab drivers are living proof that practice does not make perfect.

Henny Youngman
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

Spike Milligan
My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.

Martin Terman
Those people who tell me that I'm going to hell while they are going to heaven somehow make me very glad that we're going to separate destinations.

Al McGuire
I don't know why people question the academic training of an athlete. Fifty percent of the doctors in this country graduated in the bottom half of their classes.

Elbert Hubbard
If you can't answer a man's argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.

Geoffrey Household
I have noticed that what cats most appreciate in a human being is not the ability to produce food, which they take for granted -- but his or her entertainment value.

George Burns
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and having the two as close together as possible.

Found at Silly Quotes

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For the cat lovers out there:

"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will pee on your computer." - Bruce Graham

"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." - Unknown

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." - Anonymous

"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." - Jeff Valdez

"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats." - English proverb

"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat." - Ellen Perry Berkeley

"One cat just leads to another." - Ernest Hemingway

"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." - Mary Bly

"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia." - Joseph Wood Krutch

"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." - Faith Resnick

"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats." - Anonymous

"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." - Hippolyte Taine

"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." - Unknown

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer

"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart." - Ernest Menaul

"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."

"Time spent with cats is never wasted." - Colette

"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." - Missy Dizick

"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats." - Colonial American proverb

"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want." -Joseph Wood Krutch

"I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic"

"My husband said it was him or the cat ... I miss him sometimes."

"Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit.

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Today's video - well, what can I say?

Until I write again ...

Flea

Nobody Ever Lets Me Play

The fam played a friendly game of Monopoly last night. You tell me - is there such a thing as a friendly game of Monopoly? I watched for about an hour and a half before wandering off (I don't play Monopoly - it's against my religion).

It was all the Hunny's idea, wanting a family game night. He actually wanted a game of Risk with the boys, but Oatmeal Head said no.

I really did try to play. Really. But no one would let me use my game piece of choice.

So I chose another. No go.

I asked if I could use this one, but it was loudly voted down. Darn.

*sigh* So I sat and watched and laughed and helped people cheat for awhile before drifting away to find my book and read.

I hope you all have a great weekend. It's back to bed for me shortly, then off to the salt mines!

Until I write again ...

Flea

It's Story Time

Here it is! The promised new feature! The new feature which will make all your dreams come true! And cure your acne and male pattern baldness! Woohoo!

As mentioned yesterday, I'm the proud new owner of bags o'useless chatchkies (sp?), thanks to my friend, Heather. I intend to share the love, people. Let me tell you how it works ...

Every Friday - y'know what? The last Friday of every month - I'll post a photo of a quirky item. You, brilliant, creative bloggy friends, will write a story about said item. You can be the item itself, or write from the item's owner's point of view - whatever you want to do. You can submit your story one of two ways: 1) write the story at your blog and email me the link (feel free to right click on the photo and use it in your post); or 2) email me your story and I'll post it on my blog with a little linky love heading your way (this way even my non-bloggy friends can enter).

You'll have a week to enter, deadline being midnight of the following Thursday. The next day, Friday, I'll post all links and emailed stories and let you, the bloggy audience, vote on a winner! You'll have till the following Tuesday to read and vote.

Now comes the good part: the winner of the useless piece o'crap is challenged with posting their story and item to EBay in an attempt to sell it. You don't have to. You may like the item, or want to wrap it for an upcoming white elephant party. It's always good to have one mildly obscene object lying around the house for events like those, after all. But, if I were you, I'd give away the story with the object if you do that. Make it appear valuable.

I'm going to be writing stories right along with you. Posting them on EBay strikes me as fun!

So! Here, again, is the first object:

Cool, huh? Write to your heart's content. As long or as short as you'd like. A paragraph description, or a longer story. Whatever floats your boat! Interpret what these two are doing in whichever way you please.

Oh, and if you post to EBay? Please let me know. We'd all love to track your progress, tell our friends about it. See if we can drive up the bidding, just for you.

I look forward to hearing from all of you!

Until I write again ...

Flea

New and Exciting Things

Hello all! This is post number 800!

Today I have photos, as well as the intro to a new feature here in Flea's World. Photos are of my darling child, sewing his own shorts. While he's wearing them. Ten minutes before he leaves for the bus. Always a fun sight when mom stumbles out half awake.

Uh huh.

I asked him to stop and change pants.

Not gonna happen.

He's a boy scout - what can I say? He wore them. *sigh*

Now! My good friend, Heather, recommended my new regular feature. She's the fearless, peerless leader of the writer's group, and I was shopping Salvation Army with her just last week. Isn't she cute?

We were shopping for useless items - someone else's trash - to use as writing prompts in our meeting last Saturday. You lack for a good time? Take a friend to your closest SA or Goodwill with the intention of buying useless crap just for fun.

After the meeting, Heather turns and hands me the bags of useless crap, which I politely hand back, muttering something about not wanting them lying around my house and my Hunny having a conniption if I bring them home. Then she comes up with her brilliant plan, albeit in an effort to avoid bringing the useless crap to her house - post a photo a week of the items and ask y'all, my bestest friends in the entire world, to write a story about it. The most fun story (you all will vote on it) will get the piece of useless crap.

Wait! Don't go! Here's the best part! The challenge for the winner is to post the useless crap, along with the winning story, on EBay and see if it brings in any moolah! Doesn't that sound like fun? Doesn't it?!? It does! You know it does!

Short of the EBay thing, you can always pawn it off as a white elephant gift at some party.

So tomorrow I'll be posting the first photo - it's a doozy - and y'all will have till next Thursday to write and submit a story. Write it on your blog, or email it to me (I'll have the particulars up with the photo). Then another week of voting. Every Friday, or every other Friday (we'll see how this goes), I'll post a new photo!

Well. Now that I've dropped THAT loser of an idea on your heads, it's time to skeedaddle!

Until I write again ...

Flea

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Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Card Winners

Remember that contest I ran last week? Back when I was still coherent? Two of y'all are slated to win custom cards - cards you design yourself for your own purposes. Woot!

And the winners are:

Stating "well of course they woud be to send to all my blogging buddies!!!!"is Laura~Peach, or Number 2! Congratulations, Laura! I'll be sending UPrint your email address and they'll contact you directly about your design.

And our other winner says, "As the new-and-official PTA secretary, I could do damage to the teachers and staff at school! (Yeppers, it's come to my attention that I'll have to send birthday greetings--and get well wishes--to the teachers and staff.)

Fred & Bessie would be a delightful way to shake 'em up." Do I need to send you a fun F&B photo, Mumple? Please make sure I have your email address so you can claim your prize?

Thank you all for participating! I look forward to seeing your designs, ladies!

Until I write again ...

Flea

Funny Bone Monday

Welcome to Funny Bone Monday, the Hospital Edition! I have a story to tell, before we get to the jokes.

Saturday night we had a patient who hadn't slept for a couple of days. She was melting down - going into a third night with zero sleep will do that to a person - and I wound up taking her to the ER and staying with her till my shift was over. It was so much fun. Really. It was an adventure! I love a good adventure.

Because of my job, I can't tell you anything about the patient or her time at the ER, but I can tell you about the man with the scratched knee. Seemed to be there for his knee, which was running blood. He was up, walking around. And he was surrounded by ... women. Skanky looking women. In tight clothes. In short clothes. Most of them not attractive. Six or seven of them. All fawning over him, petting him, sharing his affection. Totally creeped me out. *shudder*

Anywho, the nurse on shift suggested hospitals as today's topic because of that experience. Let's launch!

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Oh I love these! They're even funnier now that I work for a hospital. And I found them at this doctor's site.

Hospitals are not exactly places that provide a lot of laughter. However, there is one source that does produce a lot of chuckles medical charting.

In the rush to write down a patient's condition, the healthcare professional often charts things which are ripe for humor.

For example, here are some things the medical staff have written on patient's charts:

Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the third day, the knee was better, and on the forth day, it had completely disappeared.

Discharge status: alive, but without permission.

Patient was admitted through the emergency department. I examined her on the floor.

The patient left the hospital feeling much better, except for her original complaints.

I saw the patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

Patient left his white blood cells at another hospital.

Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

The test indicated abnormal lover function.

The patient is numb from her toes down.

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

The patient said her neck was increasing in size where we took it off.

I've suggested to the patient that he loosen his pants before standing and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.

The patient stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

Patient refuses an autopsy.

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Things You Don't Want To Hear During a Surgery

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that... uh... whatever it's called!

Oh no! I just lost my watch.

"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?

There go the lights again...

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.

What's this doing here?

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

You sure it wasn't this leg?

OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

Are his relatives waiting outside?

Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

What do you mean, "You want a divorce"!

FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

This scissor looks rusted.

Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

Isn't this the one with the really lousy insurance?

These were all found here.

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OMG. I found this here. Sick, but it cracked me up.

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they
were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into
the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna
promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim
out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act, she
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now
considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the
news she said, “Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged; since you were able to respond rationally to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays that you have a sound mind.

The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.”

Edna replied, “He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry. How
soon can I go home?”

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And from Funny Jokes:

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. The head nurse stopped him and asked, “What’s the matter?”

He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.’”

The head nurse said, “She was just trying to comfort you. What’s so frightening about that?”

The patient said, “She wasn’t talking to me. She was talking to my surgeon!”

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Today's video? Why Bill Nye, of course. I thought, with the threat of the swine flu, this one was appropo:

Until I write again ...

Flea

Sheep Contest Winner

We have a winner! I emailed my Hunny the list of names, so he wouldn't know who suggested what, and he chose a winner! First, let me tell you that he also chose a runner up. I might have chosen the runner up as the winner. I might send her a book, too.

Here, for your amusement, is the list of names:

Suggested by Laura~Peach is George

Suggested by my Evil Sister are Fluffy Ewe (F. Ewe for short), or Curly

Debbie in CA ran sobbing from the room rather than name the sheep - it seems naming her skunk was all she could handle

Karate Mom suggested Sherman, which reminded me of Bullwinkle cartoons

Georgie suggested Beckham, or Becks for short - she seems to think the sheep needs more sheep

Kim-D likes Baa-by, said kinda like Bobby - say that one out loud

MaBunny voted for Ewenice - bwahaha!

Trisha says Corn-Wallace works for the sheep

Jill of All Trades suggested Clarence, which I can totally see for this lawn ornament

Ellyn thinks it looks like an Andy or a Daisy

TSAnnie insisted on Farley

Mumple cracked me up with Baabra Kennedy - another one to say aloud

Warty Mammal was complimentary, but offered no names - I'm guessing she's at her book limit at the moment

I let Georgie sneak in with a last one, since it came to her in a dream and all - Bam-Bam ... or Velma

The runner up is Fluffy Ewe! The kids and I all loved this one. Evil Sister is a genius. She even played to the judge.

The winner, though, is Corn-Wallace! Trisha, of In My Dreams I Can Talk, will be getting a stack of pre-read books. How much fun is that? Honestly, as much as I love F. Ewe, I absolutely adore Corn-Wallace. So thank you, Trisha, for naming my sheep! Baaaaa!

For those who didn't win, there's still time to enter my other contest. The deadline is tonight, midnight wherever you live, so drop a line at that post letting me know how you'd use cards you design yourself. I'm afraid I might not have been clear - use your own design in what ever way you see fit! There will be two winners in that contest!

Thank you, everyone, for offering such creative names. I love them all! But Corn-Wallace now lives in my front garden.

Until I write again ...

Flea

The Hormones, They Are A'Changin'

Volunteer sunflowers in the Good Flea's back yard

So. I'm old.

I've told y'all I'm exercising regularly. Pretty sure I told y'all that I've been steadily gaining weight along with it? Even kicked up the exercise routine a major notch recently.

I saw the doc today. It's been a couple of months since I was in. It's official. I've gained eight pounds. Ugh.

This is a new doc. The other one just up and left. I liked her, since she was looking for balance for me. But she was somewhat randomly throwing meds in my direction in an attempt to find balance. My new doc isn't wild about that.

So. I'm have been smearing on a progesterone cream from the compound pharmacy, taking Adderall XR and natural thyroid, and exercising. Oh, and working two nights a week, making for a topsy-turvy schedule. Also meaning I don't take the pill meds anywhere near regularly.

The doc looks at me, when I state the obvious, that I'm gaining weight, and says, "Well, dear, that's normal at your age." Crap on a stick. We talked round and round about my hormones and my ADD. I told her about not being able to give blood because of my elevated pulse (even though my blood pressure is consistently about 117/70).

It never occured to me that the thyroid med is a stimulant. She says my heart's taking a beating, being on the two stimulants. And the night job's not helping any, either, what with the wonky hormones and brain chemistry. Gah.

So. What to do? Right off the bat, she's taking me off the Adderall XR (which I was taking MAYBE three days a week anyway, due to my schedule), cutting back the thyroid med, leaving the progesterone where it is, and adding a very low dose of Celexa, or antidepressant, for the ADD. I'll see her in October to discuss what happens next.

As to the job, I like it, so I'm keeping it for now. If she tells me differently in October, that it's effecting me too harshly, I might have to go back to substitute teaching. *shudder*

Why am I telling y'all all of this? Beats me. Y'all are my friends. I think of you all as being on this journey called life right along side me. And when I start to go crazy? Holler at me, will ya? 'Cause this is nuts.

Until I write again ...

Flea

A Little of This ...

Today is one of those days - ever have one of those days when you leave a kid someplace? Or forget you have a blog? Yeah. One of those days.

This workout thing is eating my lunch. But it's good.

Red Rocks threw up this morning before school, so he stayed home. I went to work out anyway. He was asleep ...

Speaking of Red Rocks, I came home from work Monday morning to find this on my dining room table:

He's an artist.

I was telling someone yesterday that I'm really happy. I'm also feeling really lazy. But justifying it with the last little dregs of summer. I know, come September first, life will pick up and hit whirlwind speed.

Speaking of summer, this is definitely a summer sky. I simply adore Tulsa skies.

Y'all have a great Wednesday? I plan to. It's raining and I might head back to bed for an hour.

Until I write again ...

Flea

Card Contest!

This is one way cool contest! On the right is a teeny ad from Uprinting. They want to give someone a really cool gift of custom made cards. I know, right? What would you do with custom made cards? I've entertained ideas, forever, of custom greeting cards with Fred and Bessie. Something like this:

Yeah. You know you have a favorite photo. Something worthy of LOLcats.

Here's the contest in a nutshell:

(2) PRIZE WINNERS WILL RECEIVE

250 7 x 5" Greeting Cards (Half-Fold); 10 pt Cover with matte or gloss coating

Full Color Outside and Blank Inside (4/0)

Shipping Must be Paid by Winner. Offer Valid for UNITED STATES SHIPPING ONLY.

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How awesome is that? Just in time for Christmas cards to be made! Or Custom Postcards doubling as invitations!

Wanna know how two of you bloggy peeps can have cards you design yourself? Leave me a comment telling me how you'd use your cards! I'll use the random number generator to choose two winners. And I'll be ordering cards, too. I can't wait to get my paws into Photoshop and play. Hmmm ...

Until I write again ...

Flea

Funny Bone Monday

Before I forget, please drop in and enter the sheep naming contest!

Welcome to Funny Bone Monday, the Egg Edition! I know, right? When you see the video at the end, you'll understand. Hope you all have a great week!

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Cadbury's got it goin' on:

Take a small sticky notepad and place it over the eye of your victim’s computers mouse. When they try to use their computer, the cursor won’t move. Be sure to write “April Fools!” on the note! (Note - if they have a standard mouse, you can perform the same trick by taping a piece of paper over the ball underneath the mouse)

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I just love Basic Jokes:

Question: If a rooster laid an egg on the top of a barn, which way would it roll?

Answer: Roosters don't lay eggs!

Question: Did you hear the one about the egg?
Answer: It's not all it's "cracked" up to be!

Question: Why can't you tease egg whites?
Answer: They can't take a yolk.

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Omelette.
Omelette who?
Omelette smarter than I look!

Question: What do you call an egg that goes on safari?
Answer: An eggs-plorer!

Question: What do you call a city of 20 million eggs?
Answer: New Yolk City!

Question: What happens when you tell an egg a joke?
Answer: It cracks up!

Question: What do you get when you put a Tasmanian Devil in a chicken coop?
Answer: Deviled eggs!

Question: Why did the chicken lay an egg?
Answer: Because it would break if she dropped it!

Question: Where did the chicken go on her vacation?
Answer: Sandy Eggo

Question: Why did the egg cross the street?
Answer: To get to the shell station.

Question: Why did the chicken lay her eggs on a axe?
Answer: She wanted to hachet

Question: Where do you find information about eggs?
Answer: In the hen-cyclopedia

Question: Why is the chef so mean?
Answer: She beats the eggs!

Question: Did you hear the one about the egg?
Answer: It's not all it's "cracked" up to be!

Question: How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
Answer: By dropping it seven feet - it won't break for the first six.

Question: What does mummy hen call her baby?
Answer: Eggs-tra special

Question: Why did the egg not draw a straight line?
Answer: His ideas were scrambled

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There was once a Indian and an Pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the groin and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the groin and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the groin. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."

The Indian said, "Keep the dang egg!"

This cracked me up. There are quite a few versions floating around, but I found this one at an Indian site

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Oh what fun!

What grows on yolk trees?

Egg-corns

What's a chicken's favorite tree?

A yolk (oak) tree

What do you call the door to a chicken barn?

The hen-trance

What do you call an excited chicken?

Hen-thusiastic

What do chickens call a school test?

Eggs-amination

Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud, and cross the road again?

Because he was a dirty double-crosser

Knock, Knock! Who's there? Chicken. Chicken who?

Chicken your pockets, maybe your keys are there

What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?

“You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

Because the referee kept calling fowl

What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?

They go on Peck-nics

What does the chicken say to get across a busy street?

Eggs-cuse me, please

Definition of relay....What chickens do when the farmer takes away their eggs.

Where do you find information about eggs?

In the hen-cyclopedia

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide

What do you get when you put a Tasmanian Devil in a chicken coop?

Deviled eggs

What do you call a bunch of chickens playing "hide and seek"?

Fowl play

Why can't you tease egg whites?

Because they can’t take a “yolk”

Why did the chicken lift weights?

She needed the eggs-ercise

Why did the chicken cross the beach?

To get to the other tide

What do you call a city of 20 million eggs?

New YOLK City

Why are chickens so neat?

Because they always have a comb

Who wrote the book "Great Eggspectations"?

Charles Chickens

Why are chickens good employees?

Because they work around the cluck

Aren't they delicious? I found them here

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Comedic genius at its finest - today's video!

Until I write again ...

Flea

Coffee Giveaway

Because I less-than-three you all, my bloggy peeps, and because I squishy heart my friend Connie, I have to tell you all about her little giveaway. She's giving away a copy of the book, Chicken Soup for the Coffee Lover's Soul, as well as a ten dollar Starbucks gift card. Head over and show her some love?

Until I write again ...

Flea

P.S. Y'all's entries for the sheep naming contest are CRACKING ME UP. Thank you! It's not too late to enter, and there's no limit to the entries! Even if you don't enter, pop over and read some of the suggestions!

Sheeeeeep! And Contest!

Did I show you my sheep? Surely I didn't show you my sheep. If I did, just shoot me, okay? But my sheep is sooooooo cute! Lookit!

Isn't he the cutest thing you've ever seen? He's in my front garden! Almost as cute as Flaco, my favorite lizard that my mommy gave me:

I squishy heart the sheep. I'd like one of you to name him, please? I'll let my Hunny decide which name is best. Leave a fun name in the comments. Deadline is midnight where you live, Tuesday of next week. Prize - hmm. I have several novels I've read lately and have no shelf space for. A Tami Hoag, Patricia Cornwell, James Patterson. I'll send several.

While I'm here, have a look at the front yard (Dlyn would be so proud. Are you proud, Dlyn?):

It's that silver sage that blooms so nicely this time of year. And the back yard:

Wait - that really is taken in my back yard. I brushed the dogs yesterday. Again. The third time this week. Stupid triple coats. They're shedding like crazy.

In other news, the kids went back to school yesterday. In honor of returning to school, the boys insisted on having new hats. Even though they're not allowed to wear hats to school. See Red Rocks?

His hat is awesome. Oatmeal Head likes his, too.

And for Maybelline, we just went ahead and had a phone surgically attached to her ear. Made sense to me.

I have two kids in high school now. TWO. Gack! And me so young! My Hunny, he's young, too. He just doesn't look it. But he is devilishly cute for an old man:

Unless he's making faces at me:

Oh my. I have to go walk with my friends now. Maybe today they won't torture me.

Until I write again...

Flea

P.S. Remember! Name the sheep!