Monday, February 8, 2010

Funny Bone Monday

Welcome to Funny Bone Monday, the work edition! My sweet Hunny sent me the email from work which triggered today's post. OMG. It made me laugh so hard. And I thought, given that FBM is all about brightening your first day of the work week, how much more appropriate could the topic be? Enjoy!

I got this email today.

1. Collect some dead flies from the office windowsills.

2. Put them in the sun to dry for one hour

3. Once they are dry, pick up a pencil and paper… Let your imagination run free

I double dog dare you to try this at work.

How to tell when you're getting fired

...When your boss stops asking "How are the kids" and start avoiding eye contact with you in the hallways.

When strange people wearing business attire and carrying resume type portfolios come into your office stating they have an appointment to see your boss.

When your boss's assistant or secretary starts hinting to you about new jobs you might like in the newspaper.

When your boss starts sending you random memos all of a sudden about petty things they never seemed to care about before.

When everyone gets new office computers except you.

When you come into work one day and your network password seems to be expired for no reason.

When everyone in your office gets scheduled to go to that new software training except you.

When your boss starts sharing out portions of your work responsibilities to other employees.

When your boss ask you to come in their office 15 minutes before it's time to go home.

When you come back from lunch to find unusual empty boxes near your desk.

When your boss starts sending you random memos all of a sudden about petty things they never seemed to care about before. Oh! I wrote that one already.

This one's for you. You know who you are.

Three Commandments of Playing Hooky

Thou shalt play hooky from work because:

1. It is polite. Sick leave and vacation are part of your benefits package; you are supposed to use them. Do you think your employer gives them to you because he thinks you’re a great person? No. He gives them to you because you earned them and he knows you are going to take them. To report to work every single day, without using any of your time off, is downright rude.

2. It keeps people employed. Just imagine what would happen if every employee came to work every day of every year. What would happen to the people who process the leave forms and keep your employment records? I’ll tell you what: They’d lose their jobs. And what about the companies who sell the leave forms your company uses? Yep, they’d go right out of business. The only way to protect the country’s economy, then, is to play hooky.

3. It is good for your health. On the outside, it may appear that people who never miss work are healthy and well-adjusted. Well, it’s like your mother always told you, you can’t judge a book by its cover. Never taking time off, they are constantly thinking about work, stressing over deadlines, worrying about presentations, trying to find a pair of socks that match or pantyhose that don’t have runs in them. They develop ulcers and irritable bowel syndrome. They have high blood pressure and migraines. Basically, they are human time bombs just waiting to explode. If only they had enough sense to take a few days off ...

These were at hooky book
These office truisms brought to you courtesy of Office Jokes and Humor

When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.

No one gets sick on Wednesdays.

The longer the title, the less important the job.

Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.

An "acceptable" level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.

Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.

All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own.

Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits or is fired.

There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.

The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...).

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

People are always available for work in the past tense.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

Today's video - the first one, at least - I found humorous just watching him dance. Yes, dance.

Until I write again ...



Karen said...

Someone has waaay too much time on their hands if they're posing dead flies.

Trisha said...

You always find such funny videos! Thanks for sharing! I needed the laughs today.

Mental P Mama said...

Okay. Those flies are hysterical!

Daryl said...

Gross but very funny

Daisy said...

Oh, the flies!! OMG, I'm laughing until I cough. Must. Stop.