Monday, March 29, 2010

Funny Bone Monday

Happy Funny Bone Monday! Today's topic is courtesy the Evil Sister. She sent the video at the end and I thought it was funny enough to share. That said, today is all about drug humor. Disclaimer - I've never done any type of drugs. I don't ever intend to. But some of the stupid things that people whose state of consciousness is altered by drugs do is amusing. Sad, but amusing. So yes, I'm laughing at their expense. Laugh with me, will you?

A young man on acid walked into a dentist's office and said, " Can you help me? I think I'm a moth."

The dentist said, "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."

"Yes, I know," the man said.

The dentist asked, "So then why did you come in here?"

The man replied, "The light was on."

The Rabbit and the Lion
Author Unknown, Archived by Erowid, 06/2001

A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel So good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up and the rabbit again says, "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! ... Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the crap out of the rabbit.

As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this?! He was merely trying to help us all!" The lion answers, "That little turd! He makes me run around the forest like an idiot every time he's on ecstasy!"

I find myself wondering if there's a moral to that story. Regardless, these two were found at Erowid.

Q: Why did the blonde snort artificial sweetener?
A: She thought it was diet coke.

Q: What do you get when you take ecstasy and birth control pills?
A: A trip without the kids.

Q: What did the heroin addict get on his IQ test?
A: Drool.

Q: How many stoners does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to hold the lightbulb and three to smoke until the room starts spinning

Alcohol and calculus dont mix...Dont drink and derive.

I found these here
Today 4 out of 5 doctors recommend another doctor.

I stopped taking tranquilizers. I was starting to be nice to people I didn't even want to talk to.

New pill to increase virility. It backfired and I got hemorrhoids.

It always amazes me the progress scientists are making in cancer research. Every day they discover something else that causes it.

Some Dr.s are helping you out. After the exam a doctor explained his prescription: Take green pill with a glass of water after getting up. Take blue pill with glass of water after lunch. Just before bed take red pill with another glass of water.
Doctor just what's wrong with me?
You're not getting enough water.

We used to take life with a grain of salt. Now it is with 5
milligrams of Valium.

My mom takes so many Iron tablets the only time she feels good is when she's facing magnetic north. My brothers are fighting over her mineral rights.

A young housewife asked her friend, "What is that you're taking --The pill?"
"No it's a tranquilizer. I forgot to take the pill."

James Bryce-- Medicine the only profession that labors incessantly to destroy the reason for it's own existence.

Voltaire--Doctors pour drugs of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, into human beings of whom they know nothing.

Do your drug experimenting on politicians. (YESSS!!!)

Miracle drug--Anything that will do 25% as much as the label says.

Miracle drug--Anything the kids will take without screaming.

The doctor used so many medicines he didn't know which one worked.

An apple a day won't do it!!!

At the psychiatrists office a homely woman came in depressed. "I'm lonely. I have no friends. Doctor can you help me accept my ugliness?"
Psychatrist: "I think I can. Go lay face down on the couch."

Socialized Medicine is where the psychiatrist lays down on the couch with you.

Hypochondriac: Someone who takes different pills than you do.

Hypocrite: Someone who complains about sex, drugs and violence on their VCR.

Hospital bills now are divided into parts and labor.

If laughter was the best medicine doctors would find a way to
charge for it.

Virus is a Latin word for your guess is as good as mine.

Costrophobia--Fear of rising drug prices.

We need a good affordable disease.

My artificial kidney got kidney stones.

These funnies were found here
The Evil Sister's video choice?

Until I write again ...



Mental P Mama said...

LOL...Don't drink and derive!

Trisha said...

That video was funny even though I didn't recognize the names of all of the drugs. I want to know the one which makes you a green fairy!

abb said...

I'm giggling...

imbeingheldhostage said...

That video! I was so grossed out by the Alkohol but still managed to laugh like a hyena over here.
Great Funny Bone today Flea!

Krista said...

Oh my heck! The light was on. I don't know why I think that is extra funny, but I do! Get yer prom dress out and wear your tiara because on Wednesday I'm gonna give you and award at Shades of Blonde.