Monday, May 3, 2010

Funny Bone Monday

Welcome to Funny Bone Monday, Chuck Norris style! I promised Laura~Peach a Chuck Monday. :)

But before I dazzle and amaze you with my copy and paste prowess, I want to put in a shameless plug for my work. Anyone out there want to give a new mom a hot new recipe box for Mother's Day? Lookit! The inside is my favorite part.

Email me if you're interested. Fleabyte at gmail dot com.

And on to the man, the myth, the legend ... Chuck Norris!

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take crap from anybody.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

]Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.

These things always crack me up. I found them all here.

Oh. Em. Gee. I've found a Chuck Norris Random Fact Generator. Check it out.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

It's not the fall that kills you, It's Chuck Norris waiting for you at the bottom

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

Don't even ask. Chuck Norris is always serious.

If you misspell "Chuck Norris" on Google it won't correct it, it just says you have 10 seconds to live.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris won a staring contest with the sun. Two feet away.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is in fact based on a true story. Chuck Norris once ate a live turtle, and when he crapped it out, it was six feet tall and knew karate.

When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says "Go". This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris...End of Story

It's always a treat to watch Chuck in action, isn't it? Let's see what we've got here ...

Until I write again ...



Diane said...

I love your chuck norris jokes! They always make me laugh!

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

I love Chuck!