The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned.
The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's you're name?"
"Sam," the cowboy moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied.... "The balcony."
The Cowboy Ventriloquist and the RancherA ventriloquist cowboy walked into town and saw a rancher sitting on his porch with his dog:
Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?"
Rancher: "This dog don`t talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how`s it going?"
Dog: "Doin alright"
Rancher: (Extreme look of shock)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner? (pointing at rancher)"
Cowboy: "How`s he treat you?"
Rancher: (Look of disbelief)
Rancher: "Horses don`t talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how`s it goin?"
Rancher: (an even wilder look of shock)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at rancher)
Cowboy: "How`s he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Rancher: (total look of amazement)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your SHEEP?"
Rancher: (stuttering, and hardly able to talk)...... "Th-Th-Them sheep ain`t nothin but liars!!!"
1. Don't squat with your spurs on.
2. Don't interfere with something that ain't bothering you none.
3. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
4. Always drink upstream from the herd.
5. Telling a man to git and making him do it are two entirely different propositions.
6. When you give a personal lesson in meanness to a critter or to a person don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
7. If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still back there.
8. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
9. If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.
10. And never, ever, miss a good opportunity to shut up.
Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church.
"When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began.
"You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a worldly fellow.
"I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued.
"The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him.
"Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on.
"That would be the usher," Charlie explained.
"Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said.
"You mean the aisle," Charlie said.
"Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued.
"Pew," Charlie retorted.
"Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."
"Alright, I'm gonna have anotha beer, and if my hoss ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Slim and Rusty. The three men had always done everything together.
Slim arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Slim said, His face is torn up pretty bad. You better roll him over.
The mortician rolled him over, and Slim said, Nope, that ain't Frank.
The mortician thought that was rather strange.
Then he brought Rusty in to identify the body. Rusty took a look at the body and said, Yup, he's pretty well torn up. Roll him over.
The mortician rolled him over and Rusty said, No, it ain't Frank.
The mortician asked, How can you tell?
Rusty said, Well, every body knows, Cowboy Frank had two ass holes.
What? He had two ass holes?!
Yup, every time we went to town, folks would say,
Here comes Frank with them two ass holes.