Funny Bone Monday

Happy Funny Bone Monday! First off, business up front.

I challenged my children to do or not do certain things this summer. To better them. They challenged me back. Challenges were accepted all the way around. They challenged me with staying off the computer all but two hours a day. So. I'll only be posting the Funny Bone Mondays this summer. We'll return to our regular programming in the fall.

That said, today's FBM is all about the senior citizens. I'm smocking again, making a gown for a friend's soon-to-arrive granddaughter. It occurred to me that I'm no longer smocking for friends' babies, but their grand babies. *sigh*

Enjoy.

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An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired.

Holding hands they walked back to their old school.

It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared where Andy had carved 'I love you, Sally.'

On their way back home , a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet.

Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money:fifty-thousand dollars!

Andy said, 'We've got to give it back.'

Sally said, 'Finders keepers.' She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money and knocked on the door.

'Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag of money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?'

Sally said, 'No.'

Andy said, 'She's lying. She hid it up in the attic.'

Sally said, 'Don't believe him, he's getting senile.'

The agents turn to Andy and began to question him.
One says: 'Tell us the story from the beginning'

Andy said, 'Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . ..'

The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, 'We're outta here.'

This gem was swiped from dang good jokes

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Games for When We Are Older

• Sag, You're It
• Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy.
• 20 Questions Shouted Into Your Good Ear.
• Kick the Bucket
• Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over.
• Doc Goose.
• Simon Says Something Incoherent.
• Hide and Go Pee.
• Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
• Musical Recliners.

Senior Dress Code

Many of us "fiftyish" folks are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

• A nose ring and bifocals
• Spiked hair and bald spots
• A pierced tongue and dentures
• Miniskirts and support hose
• Ankle bracelets and corn pads
• Speedo's and cellulite
• A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
• Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
• Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
• Bikinis and liver spots
• Short shorts and varicose veins
• Inline skates and a walker
• Thongs and Depends

Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you shop.

These beauties are all found here

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Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

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A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.

"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."

"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye mother!' it would make me feel much better."

"Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Good bye mother!" and felt quite good about himself that he did a good deed and made someone feel happy.

As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.

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Three old mothers are sitting on a park bench in Miami Beach talking about how much their sons love them.

Sadie says, "You know the Chagall painting hanging in my living room? My son, Arnold, bought that for me for my 75th birthday. What a good boy he is and how much he loves his mother."

Minnie says, "You call that love? You know the Eldorado Cadillac I just got for Mother's Day? That's from my son Bernie. What a doll."

Shirley says, "That's nothing. You know my son Stanley? He's in analysis with a psychoanalyst on Park Ave. Five session a week. And what does he talk about? Me."

These are all found at Humor Planet

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The video for the day, in memory of Rue McClanahan

Until I write again ...

Flea