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A five year old and a four year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the five year old, "I think it's about time we start swearing."
The four year old nods his head in approval. The 5 year old continues, "When
we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna say "hell", and you say "ass", okay?" The four year old agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the five year old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."...WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs bawling.
The mom looks at the four year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I'm not sure," he says, "but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios."
The four year old nods his head in approval. The 5 year old continues, "When
we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna say "hell", and you say "ass", okay?" The four year old agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the five year old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."...WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs bawling.
The mom looks at the four year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I'm not sure," he says, "but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios."
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A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique Breakfast" so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted.
Man: "What's your 'Unique Breakfast?'"
Waitress"Baked tongue of chicken."
Man: "Baked tongue of chicken?... Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!"
Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?"
"Just bring me scrambled eggs," the man replied.
A little guy is sitting at a counter eating breakfast. A big guy walks in and hits the little guy.
"That's a judo chop from Japan," he says, and then walks into the bathroom. The little guy gets up and sits back down to finish his breakfast. The big guy comes back out of the bathroom and hits the little guy again.
"That's a karate chop from Korea," he says. The little guy gets up and leaves the diner. The big guy sits down and orders breakfast.
As he starts to eat, the little guy comes running back through the door and knocks the big guy out. He looks at the waitress and says, "When he wakes up, tell him that was a tire iron from Sears."
"That's a judo chop from Japan," he says, and then walks into the bathroom. The little guy gets up and sits back down to finish his breakfast. The big guy comes back out of the bathroom and hits the little guy again.
"That's a karate chop from Korea," he says. The little guy gets up and leaves the diner. The big guy sits down and orders breakfast.
As he starts to eat, the little guy comes running back through the door and knocks the big guy out. He looks at the waitress and says, "When he wakes up, tell him that was a tire iron from Sears."
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is."
"Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out the door on his way the office.
At 10 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opens the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long-stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil-wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrive. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.
"First the flowers, then the candy, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never spent a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my whole life!'
What's a perfect breakfast for a woman?
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Hmm. Found here.
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Two Baby Boomers went to breakfast at a restaurant where the “Baby Boomers’ Special” was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.“Sounds good,” the wife said. “But I don’t want the eggs.”“Then I’ll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you’re ordering a la carte,” the waitress warned her.“You mean I’d have to pay for not taking the eggs?” The wife asked incredulously. “I’ll take the special.”“How do you want your eggs?”“Raw and in the shell,” the wife replied. She took the two eggs home, to bake a cake with later.Moral: DON’T MESS WITH BABY BOOMERS!Found at a Baby Boomer siteLast, but not least, the bad puns:
Mice Krispies.What do ghouls eat for breakfast?
Dreaded Wheet.What do cannibals eat for breakfast?
Buttered host.
Mice Krispies.What do ghouls eat for breakfast?
Dreaded Wheet.What do cannibals eat for breakfast?
Buttered host.
Groaners, huh? Found 'em here
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The video that inspired this post is a classic Bill Cosby sketch. :)
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Until I write again ...
Flea
3 comments:
I can always use a laugh on Mondays .. thanks!
lololol LOVEd the cereal killing!!!!
I'm with Georgie! I needed this! Thanks Flea!
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