I Have an Awesome Hunny

Y'all, I have the awesomest Hunny in the entire world. Guess what he did! Go ahead - guess. Give up?

I'll wait. I know some of you are still guessing.

Okay. Sunday night while I was at work - don't get your panties in a wad; I work three hours at church doing child care now - the Hunny was home fixing my Singer treadle machine. Remember when I brought it home, a Free Cycle item (meaning it was free!)? Lookit:

The machine and stand were in good shape, but the treadle foot was snapped and the belt missing. The belt is still missing, but I know I can find one of those for about ten bucks. The treadle, however - not so much. We were even looking at buying a treadle machine, but I'm cheap and hated the idea. Now I don't have to! Lookit!

And look!

Didn't he do a fantastic job? It's not the prettiest treadle in the world (believe you me - for 250 bucks we could've had the prettiest treadle machine I've ever seen), but it goes round and round like it's supposed to. Don't believe me? Lookit!

Isn't he the awesomest Hunny in the entire world?

Until I write again ...

Flea

Funny Bone Monday

Happy Funny Bone Monday! Today's topic is courtesy the Evil Sister. She sent the video at the end and I thought it was funny enough to share. That said, today is all about drug humor. Disclaimer - I've never done any type of drugs. I don't ever intend to. But some of the stupid things that people whose state of consciousness is altered by drugs do is amusing. Sad, but amusing. So yes, I'm laughing at their expense. Laugh with me, will you?

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A young man on acid walked into a dentist's office and said, " Can you help me? I think I'm a moth."

The dentist said, "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."

"Yes, I know," the man said.

The dentist asked, "So then why did you come in here?"

The man replied, "The light was on."

The Rabbit and the Lion
Author Unknown, Archived by Erowid, 06/2001

A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel So good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up and the rabbit again says, "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! ... Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the crap out of the rabbit.

As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this?! He was merely trying to help us all!" The lion answers, "That little turd! He makes me run around the forest like an idiot every time he's on ecstasy!"

I find myself wondering if there's a moral to that story. Regardless, these two were found at Erowid.

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Q: Why did the blonde snort artificial sweetener?
A: She thought it was diet coke.

Q: What do you get when you take ecstasy and birth control pills?
A: A trip without the kids.

Q: What did the heroin addict get on his IQ test?

A: Drool.

Q: How many stoners does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Four. One to hold the lightbulb and three to smoke until the room starts spinning

Alcohol and calculus dont mix...Dont drink and derive.

I found these here

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Today 4 out of 5 doctors recommend another doctor.

I stopped taking tranquilizers. I was starting to be nice to people I didn't even want to talk to.

New pill to increase virility. It backfired and I got hemorrhoids.

It always amazes me the progress scientists are making in cancer research. Every day they discover something else that causes it.

Some Dr.s are helping you out. After the exam a doctor explained his prescription: Take green pill with a glass of water after getting up. Take blue pill with glass of water after lunch. Just before bed take red pill with another glass of water.
Doctor just what's wrong with me?
You're not getting enough water.

We used to take life with a grain of salt. Now it is with 5
milligrams of Valium.

My mom takes so many Iron tablets the only time she feels good is when she's facing magnetic north. My brothers are fighting over her mineral rights.

A young housewife asked her friend, "What is that you're taking --The pill?"
"No it's a tranquilizer. I forgot to take the pill."

James Bryce-- Medicine the only profession that labors incessantly to destroy the reason for it's own existence.

Voltaire--Doctors pour drugs of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, into human beings of whom they know nothing.

Do your drug experimenting on politicians. (YESSS!!!)

Miracle drug--Anything that will do 25% as much as the label says.

Miracle drug--Anything the kids will take without screaming.

The doctor used so many medicines he didn't know which one worked.

An apple a day won't do it!!!

At the psychiatrists office a homely woman came in depressed. "I'm lonely. I have no friends. Doctor can you help me accept my ugliness?"
Psychatrist: "I think I can. Go lay face down on the couch."

Socialized Medicine is where the psychiatrist lays down on the couch with you.

Hypochondriac: Someone who takes different pills than you do.

Hypocrite: Someone who complains about sex, drugs and violence on their VCR.

Hospital bills now are divided into parts and labor.

If laughter was the best medicine doctors would find a way to
charge for it.

Virus is a Latin word for your guess is as good as mine.

Costrophobia--Fear of rising drug prices.

We need a good affordable disease.

My artificial kidney got kidney stones.

These funnies were found here

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The Evil Sister's video choice?

Until I write again ...

Flea

Tulips and Cheetahs and Lips - Oh My!

Y'all remember when I showed you the photos of the eyes in the back of my head? You know, if you don't remember, that you want to click. You do.

Today I want to show you what I've been working on since then. It's great, because these hair ovals are tiny and don't take a lot of time or energy. I do a few then stop for a bit. Lookit!

I think I'm the only one who likes this one. The rest of the fam thinks it looks goofy. Oh well. Can't win 'em all.

This one's just purdy. I mean, it would be if the photo weren't blurry. Sorry.

Alright, so this isn't a hair thingy. It's a box, okay? But I'm having fun with the color and design. So back off.

This one is my current favorite. I loves the butterfly. Now I'll show you the unpainted ones. None of these are finished. They still need holes, sticks, oiling and a good finish.

I have no idea what this flower is, but I like it.

Isn't he the cutest little thing ever?

I can't wait to paint this little guy.

So there's what I've been doing. Isn't it fun? I think I'm done with the hair things for a bit, though. I'll move on to boxes. It's all good.

Until I write again ...

Flea

The Continuing Saga of Flea's Thyroid

I once dated a guy who ...

Wait. Wrong story. Sorry.

So I get a call from my doctor yesterday. Last week I found out that my last month or so on synthroid have leveled out my blood and thyroid functioning. Yay! At about the same time I went for a thyroid ultrasound, because my throat felt "a little boggy" to the doctor. Boo! Yesterday I also got the results of the ultrasound - a little nodule on either side of my thyroid. One's a centimeter and the other a centimeter and a half. Boo!

So today the nurse calls and asks me what my schedule looks like on any given week. I told her what days usually work for me. Then she asked if I'm claustrophobic. I told her that I'm not, but that I am afraid of heights. She didn't seem to care. Some nurse she is. ;)

Here's what it boils down to, so far. I have to be off my thyroid meds for ten days. Then I go to the hospital and they draw some blood, then let a radioactive spider bite my throat. Seriously. Really!

Fine. Don't believe me. I have to swallow a radioactive iodine pill, wait an hour, then have an x-ray done. Then come back five hours later for another x-ray. Then come back the next morning for another x-ray.

I'll let y'all know if my pee glows in the dark after I swallow that pill.

I did ask the doctor - she called me instead of her nurse on Wednesday - if she couldn't just take my thyroid out and be done with it. We know there's a huge family history. I'm already on the medication. Why wait till there are serious problems? Make it go away. Evidently that's not how this works. Dang. Something about other glands in the immediate vicinity and it being somewhat risky. I know it'll have to come out at some point, people. I seriously doubt it will be any less risky then than it is now. Gah.

That's my story. For now. I go in the morning after Easter, at 7:30 in the AM. I will definitely let y'all know what's happening. And I'll let you know if I glow in the dark. Wouldn't that be cool?

Until I write again ...

Flea

Tourist Rocks

For those of y'all who are local, or anyone coming to visit northeastern Oklahoma anytime soon, the fam and I stumbled on a real treat last Friday and I want to share. I'm just nice that way. Nod your head.

See this sign?

This little shop is between rafting and float shops along the road for the Illinois River, just outside of Tahlequah. See this fella?

This here's Steve. He doesn't own a computer, so the shop doesn't have a website. He's a really intelligent guy, though, and knows his rocks inside and out. I'm here to tell ya that stopping at this gem shop was a half day adventure. The kids had a great time, got an education, and everyone went home with something sparkly. Always a plus. Even the boys loved their sparklies.

I won't tell you about or show you everything. You'll see Lucky in a moment, the resident mutt. Let's start with a couple of highlights. Who wants to tell me what these two items are?

The one on the right is probably somewhat obvious. Steve said it was a dinosaur fossil. I knew immediately what it was, because I'm a weirdo that way. But Steve made sure all the kids held it before confirming that yes, it's dinosaur poo. Everyone held dinosaur poo.

On the left the piece is composed of nickel and ... stuff. And didn't originate on planet earth. How cool is that, holding dinosaur poo and a rock from outer space on the same day? Everyone but the birthday girl thought it was cool. She wasn't too happy about having held poo of any kind.

The other cool oddity on the property was a rock Steve found and brought home. Lucky guards it while Steve sleeps. Steve swears it's by far the largest of its kind to be found. He's looking for a buyer. Check it out:

This, my friends, is Oklahoma's state rock, the Rose Rock. Steve says this one's about 4,000 pounds. Any gift shop in the state will turn up little Rose Rocks in bags, cheap. Cute things. Made of barite, even though they look like they're made of sand. These suckers are heavy, and this one is ginormous.

Pretty cool little roses, huh? I think they look more like barnacles.

That there's Lucky, guarding the rock. Good dog.

The kids' favorite part of the afternoon was the popping of the geodes. It was AWESOME. Steve heads to Keokuk, IA, every year to dig up geodes to pop and sell in the summer. He has crates of different sizes, so you can pick your own, and they're priced according to size. The ones my kids got were six bucks apiece.

Steve's quite the showman, bringing the kids into the sunlight before opening the geode, telling them that they'll be the first person on earth to see what's inside the rock they chose. Look at the happy children with their geodes!

Sparkle pretty!

The boys also like the geodes. Even though Red Rocks tried to burn a hole in Steve's hand with the fru fru lens.

And that, my friends, was our trip to Natural Delights Rocks and Gems. I highly recommend a visit. Tell Steve that Flea sent ya. He won't have a clue who you're talking about, but I'll bet he'll pretend he does. Oh, and ask to see the leverite rocks. They're amazing.

Until I write again ...

Flea

P.S. Here's the info, should you chance to be out that way:

Funny Bone Monday

Welcome to Funny Bone Monday! I'm reverting to base humor in honor of idiots everywhere. You know who you are. No, not you. You. Yes you. Put your hand down. No one else needs to know you're stupid. As a public service, I offer these jokes as guidelines of what NOT to do.

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Q: How do you keep an idiot busy for hours?

A: Give him a piece of paper with "Please turn over" written on both sides.

An idiot decides to start up a chicken farm, so he buys a hundred chickens to get up and running.

A month later he returns to the dealer to get another hundred chickens because the first lot had died.

Another month passes and he's back at the dealers for another hundred chickens.

"I think I know where I'm going wrong" he tells the dealer,

"I think I'm planting them too deep."

* * *

Q: How do you confuse an idiot?

A: Give him two spades and tell him to take his pick.

* * *

Did you here about the idiot who won the 'Tour De France'?
He did a lap of Honour!

* * *

Did you hear about the stupid tap dancer?
He fell in the sink!

These gems can be found at Funny Stupid Jokes

And here's a real life dumb from About dot com

"My neighbor Gus put on my dog's electric fence dog collar. He ran over the wire where the collar shocks you. He asked me, 'Why did it hurt?' I said it's for training dogs not to run out of the yard. He said, 'But I'm not a dog!"'

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Anybody else out there hungry for casserole?

40 TERMS FOR THE STUPID:

A few clowns short of a circus.

Dumber than a box of hair.

Too much yardage between the goal posts.

A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

A few beers short of a six-pack.

A few peas short of a casserole.

Doesn't have all her cornflakes in one box.

The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.

One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.

One taco short of a combination plate.

A few feathers short of a whole duck.

All foam, no beer.

The cheese slid off her cracker.

Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.

Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

As smart as bait.

Chimney's clogged.

Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.

Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.

Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.

Forgot to pay her brain bill.

Her sewing machine's out of thread.

His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.

His belt doesn't go through all the loops.

If she had another brain, it would be lonely.

Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

No grain in the silo.

Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

Receiver is off the hook.

Several nuts short of a full pouch.

Skylight leaks a little.

Slinky's kinked.

Surfing in Nebraska.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

The lights are on, but nobody's home.

24 cents short of a quarter.

These can be found at Stupid Humor

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A slight variation on the stupid theme, if you'll indulge me?

25 Lines from Star Wars that are improved by substituting the word "UNDERPANTS"

1. A tremor in the underpants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master.

2. You are unwise to lower your underpants.

3. We've got to be able to get some reading on those underpants, up or down.

4. She must have hidden the plans in her underpants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.

5. These underpants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it counts.

6. I find your lack of underpants disturbing.

7. These underpants contain the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we use it.

8. Han will have those underpants down. We've got to give him more time!

9. General Veers, prepare your underpants for a surface assault.

10. I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my underpants back home.

11. TK-421. . . Why aren't you in your underpants?

12. Lock the door. And hope they don't have underpants.

13. Governor Tarkin. I should've recognised your foul underpants when I was brought on board.

14. You look strong enough to pull the underpants off of a Gundark.

15. Luke*Help me take*these underpants off.

16. Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your underpants.

17. That blast came from those underpants. That thing's operational!

18. Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of underpants more heavily guarded than this.

19. Maybe you'd like it back in your underpants, your highness.

20. Your underpants betray you. Yours feelings for them are strong. Especially one. Your sister!

21. Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their underpants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.

22. Yeah, well short underpants is better than no underpants at all, Chewie.

23. Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The Empire has taken control of my underpants, I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive.

24. I cannot teach him. The boy has no underpants.

25. You came in those underpants? You're braver than I thought.

Okay, so they're not about being stupid. But they're darn funny, people! And I got them here.

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A video. Oh man. How to choose a video? So many stupid people, so little time.

I couldn't leave it there, though. Oh no. This one had to happen.

Until I write again ...

Flea

The Illinois River Rocks!

Heya! It's the tail end of our spring break and we went out with a bang! The seven of us (there were a couple of extra teenagers along for the ride) went to the Illinois River near Tahlequah for yesterday. Oh, the Babies went too. And now, grab your popcorn and come along for the ride!

I'm guessing most of you think of fields of hay and corn when you think Oklahoma?

But do you think of craggy hillsides?

Or Big Foot? Yeah. Me neither.

It was a gorgeous early spring day (it's supposed to start snowing later today).

My Hunny and the Babies enjoyed the rock river banks.

Red Rocks played Fetch the Rock with Flash

Maybelline's friend, Hannah, was digging the wild onions and sunflower seeds.

I love these trash barrels!

And Maybelline opened a quartz filled geode! But that's a story for another day.

Oatmeal Head had a turn with Miz Hannah's 70's style glasses. Ain't he a stinker?

Our newest 12 year old (it was her birthday yesterday) also had a turn. Jenni's a cutie pie.

My Hunny worked on lacing a new leather grip for his favorite walking stick.

And the mama? The Good Flea worked on her freckles. With very little success.

Until I write again ...

Flea

The One Where I Get Weepy ... A Little

I just took a look around my life and did a George Bailey. Realized what good bloggy friends I have. All of you. I love you all. I just wanted to tell you that.

MWWWWWAAAAAH!!!!!

Until I write again ...

Flea

No Worries

I've been sitting around feeling sorry for myself lately. Then I watched this video that my friend Dave posted on FaceCrack. Thanks, Dave.

Until I write again ...

Flea

Harry Eyeballs

Hellooooooo bloggy friends! I'm feeling better! Can you tell? I've been doing horribly for weeks. But! Better now. Nearly. I'm going for an ultrasound tomorrow. For my thyroid.

So. I haven't been burning baby animals the way I want to, being sick and all. But! This weekend I did some minor burning. Burnt eyeballs. And a pretty flower. Here! Let me show you!

Isn't this a beaut? My Hunny did this one.

Maybelline's friend made this poppy

Doesn't it look great on the back of her head? My photograph's not so great - sorry.

This one - this one's alllllll mine. My version of eyes in the back of my head.

This one too. I love it.

My Hunny? He's learning leather work. He picked up a pack of oval blanks to tool. The basket weave design is his. He also turns the dowels. I'm having fun too, though.

Gotta scoot! It's spring break and the weather is to die for! We're headed to the Illinois River today to hike and play and let the dogs run and swim. Y'all have a great day!

Until I write again ...

Flea

Funny Bone Monday, Postponed

Do y'all mind terribly if I postpone Funny Bone Monday this week? I'm beginning to feel better, but still struggling to be upright and breathe. I'll give you a token joke an video, though.

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I can't wait for the flu season to end. Right now my nose should be in intensive care.

By the way, what does it mean when you blow your nose and your ears squeak?

The difference between a cold and the flu: a cold will cause you to have a mild fever, body aches, runny nose, sore throat.... The flu, on the other hand, will cause you to act like (George Steinbrenner) for a week.

Okay, ladies, which is worse—having a cold, or hearing your husband whine when he has one?

I think I've got something serious. My tonsils are the exact same shade of red as one of James Brown's jumpsuits.

My nose is so stuffed up it feels like all eight of my sinuses are doing the wave.

One more sneeze like that and it'll take the Amazing Kreskin to find my contacts.

I found this poem here

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This one came from Humor in Swine Flu

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An oldie but a goodie:

Thank you, friends.

Until I write again ...

Flea

Funny Bone Monday

Happy Funny Bone Monday! Where the jokes are stale, but usually new to me! What else do you need, really? Sit back and enjoy our ride through corporate America.

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This was sent in an email from a friend.

CORPORATE SHAKE-UP

If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you'll love this!

Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hired a new CEO.

The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400.00 a week. Why?"

The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600.00 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked,

"Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

Fun quotes, from a Corporate Humor site:

"An expert is somebody who is more than 50 miles from home, has no responsibility for implementing the advice he gives, and shows slides."

Edwin Meese

"One sure way to the top is to invent scapegoats in the company and lead the charge against them. Ideally the scapegoats should be powerless and funny looking."

Dogbert's Big Book of Business

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About dot com's Political Humor offers some pretty good advice:

Smart Investing

If you had bought $1000.00 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

If you had bought $1,000.00 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the 10 cent deposit, you would have $214.00.

Based on the above, my current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

And I enjoy the evolution of Corporate Management:

How Corporate Life Evolved

Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water.

After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result -- all the apes are sprayed with cold water.

Turn off the cold water.

If, later, another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes will try to prevent it even though no water sprays them.

Now, remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one.

The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one.

The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked.

The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.

Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well.

Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape.

After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes which have been sprayed with cold water have been replaced.

Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs. Why not?

Because that's the way we've always done it here!!

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I think these corporate lessons are applicable across the board:

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: – “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story : – To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story : – Bulls**t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

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Today's video just cracks me up. This man is a genius. And it's a take off on this song.

Until I write again ...

Flea