Bubba

Okay - I know this is obviously an old joke, but I just read it and it made me laugh out loud.

Bubba
Author Unkown

Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. "

So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.

"President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.

"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."

And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Bubba. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."

So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?'

Until I write again ...

Flea

Math

Oatmeal Head, discussing course options for his junior year, tells us last night at dinner that his algebra two teacher gave him no choice in math next year.

She told him to take pre-calc.

Math? My kids?

She was specific. Told him that he had algebra II down cold. And do the pre-calc teacher a favor and hand in his homework.

So what's OH's highest grade? A B. Is it in art? Oh nooooo. That's too obvious.

The boy's pulling a B in algebra. Sure I should be proud. If he was turning in homework he'd have a freakin' A. It's his only B.

*sigh*

Until I write again ...

Flea

A Month, That's How Long

Close your eyes and imagine with me.

Wait. Open your eyes. I want you to imagine something specific. Sorry.

Alright. Ready? Good!

Imagine you have a nasty cold. You unexpectedly have to sneeze and there's no time to grab a tissue, so you sneeze into your hands. Pull your hands away.

They're full of thick, clear snot. It's the most disgusting thing you've seen all week.

Now imagine that handful of snot combined with fresh egg whites. Gross, isn't it? Whale snot, that's what you should be imagining.

So who forgot to tell me that that's what the inside of an aloe vera leaf is filled with? ALL OF YOU, THAT'S WHO.

Thanks a lot.

I made soap yesterday. It was fun right up to the point where I had to scoop the gel from the insides of the aloe leaves. All the instructions I read said it was best done with a spoon. Guess what? They LIED. It's best done with your thumbnail. Know why?

BECAUSE THE SPOON SLIPS OUT OF YOUR SLIMY, WHALE SNOT-FILLED HAND ABOUT HALFWAY THROUGH THE FIRST LEAF. THAT'S WHY.

No. I didn't get any pictures. Taking a photo with my wee, cute phone while handling whale snot was not an option. So sorry.

I'M NOT SORRY.

The soap? Yeah. It'll be ready to use in about a month. You heard me - a month. So since I can't actually USE the soap for four weeks, I'm stuck looking at it till it cures. See?

And these:

Any idea what else I can do with aloe vera leaves? Because I got a cup worth from a small part of the whale snot plant and need to use it for something else now. Maybe something with immediate results. Help!

Until I write again ...

Flea

Experimenting

Guess what I'll be trying my hand at today?

And I'll be adding to it from this monstrosity, the one in the middle, the one that fell into the sink last week:

According to everything I've read, it'll be ready for use in about a month. I'll let you know how my experiment goes!

Until I write again ...

Flea

Rings On Her Fingers ...

... and rings on her toes ...

A new ladies' Bible study began yesterday, so there were 25 preschoolers in my care. New cuties to talk to and play with, tamper with their sense of reality - I love my job.

I wore my Crocs and no socks, since the weather's been gorgeous, and had them off for a few minutes in the class room. A three year old girl stared at my feet and said, "No! No! No!"

What the heck?

Looking up at me with an angry scowl, "Not on your toes! Rings are for fingers!"

I've been scolded by a three year old. Tell me - why do people get their panties in a bunch about toe rings? I wear three and love them. Somebody, for the love of Pete, explain this to me!

I was once hesitant to wear the toe ring. I have friends who seem to think they're evil, but they won't explain why. I'm hoping one of you, my friends, will help me out. Please?

Not that I really care what people think. For my friends who freak out about it, I'm looking for rings for them. Loosen up, people. Unless there's some horrid symbolism that I'm not getting, hence I'm flaunting something offensive to people I care for. See my dilemma?

So I'm hoping someone out there can explain. Help!

Until I write again ...

Flea

Tuesday Review, The Billionaire's Vinegar

A friend loaned me her copy of The Billionaire's Vinegar saying she was too busy to read it. I sometimes pre-read for her (she has a vast library) and let her know whether or not a book's worth her time, particularly if it's not one of her favorite genres. Kinda like taste testers in medieval times. Only I get sleepy instead of being poisoned to death. Mostly because I know when to stop if a book reads like it's going to kill me.

The Billionaire's Vinegar, by Benjamin Wallace, is a true story, only recently somewhat resolved. Several decades ago, a German wine enthusiast found a cache of cellared wine in Paris which he believed originally belonged to Thomas Jefferson. Several of you have probably heard details of this story, since one of the bottles sold at auction to Malcolm Forbes's son back in the '80's, becoming the most expensive wine ever sold. It's a twisting, complex tale of truth and lies, money and power, obsessive collecting, people believing what they want to believe, and it winds its way from the early '70's to as recently as two years ago.

I love that the author keeps the story interesting (too many true stories aren't written well), that despite the wealth of information I had to absorb to understand the story line (I knew so little about wine and its world), Wallace kept me engaged, interested in knowing more about the subject so I could continue reading. The Billionaire's Vinegar almost reads like fiction stylistically, which makes it a hit for me.

In talking through the book with my Hunny (when I'm absorbed in a book, I talk through the plot with him), he remarked that it was a Blink book. Why yes! The characters in the book all had some sort of gut check about the German's story, about the tastings, about the murky elements surrounding the bottles' origins. Nearly everyone chose to ignore what they knew and believe what they wanted to be true. Blink, by the way, is a phenomenal book and I highly recommend it.

So yes, I recommend The Billionaire's Vinegar. If it were a movie, I'd say wait till it came out on video. In other words, pick up the paperback or head to your local library. But that's mostly because I prefer fiction to non. I you're a wine afficianado, you'll probably want the hardback edition.

Until I write again ...

Flea

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I realize it's late in the day. Sorry. But I mean it! That it should be a happy one for you! Sugar-free chocolate squishy hugs to you all!

My Hunny was very sweet to me this year. This is what I found when I got up this morning:

And this was all I did for him (I sent it via text and email last night while I was working):

I suck at mushy holidays. I blame it on the ADD.

Until I write again ...

Flea

Tuesday Review, Icy Sparks, on Wednesday! (With a Side of Know-It-All)

A day is a small wait for a better review. I tell myself what I must.

Icy Sparks, the mid-'50's story of an orphan girl in a tiny town in Kentucky, is an Oprah pick, published way back in 1998. I'm not usually an Oprah pick reader, but a friend loaned me this one and I loved the underlying theme. This was Gwyn Hyman Rubio's first novel.

Icy's mom died a couple of weeks after she was born. Her daddy died when she was just four years old. Icy's grandparents raised the delicate blonde child with the yellow eyes. She's the apple of their eye. When Icy is ten, her world changes drastically.

Icy's Tourette Syndrome surfaced at ten. Her daddy probably had it, too. The tics and jerks and cursing bring no end of problems to Icy's existence. She's already living a fairly isolated existence, but the uncontrollable syndrome puts a wedge between her and nearly everyone she knows. Everyone but her grandparents, her best (adult) friend and the school principal.

I'm not a plot spoiler, so I won't take this much farther, other than to say that I like the way Mrs. Rubio writes about the children's asylum. It's refreshing, definitely not what my jaded reading experience has built in my mind concerning psychiatric hospitals in that era. Very well done.

Also well done is Icy's childhood development - I was drawn back to my own childhood quite effectively. Not that I grew up with a disorder, but I did come up in a town with one road, an hour from civilization, the gangly, red-headed, freckled girl in the midst of short, swarthy Cajun folk. Like Icy, I was a reader and a learner in a school full of kids who aspired to stay where they were, learn just enough. I hurt for the girl through most of this book, hurt for the girl I was.

One of the things I appreciate most about Icy Sparks is the child's sense of humor, as well as the people who matter in her life. Not only is the book fun, Icy is honest with herself, a child who's not at all perfect, but afraid to let others see her, covering up any way she can, including through the use of honest humor, as well as sarcasm. Heart wrenching and endearing.

The most disappointing aspect of Icy Sparks is the ending. There's an undercurrent throughout the book which I hoped to see developed or dropped. Neither really happened. It rose to a crescendo and exploded, with no real resolution. Well, I suppose something came of it, but it was very non-committal. I can't imagine myself writing a novel all the way through and giving it an appropriate ending (endings are tough), but this one, not counting the epilogue, was weak and unsatisfying.

Overall, I truly enjoyed Icy Sparks. Mrs. Rubio did a fine job. I'm certainly interested in picking up her latest book, The Woodsman's Daughter.

A word on the book I mentioned yesterday, The Know-It-All, One Man's Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World, by A.J. Jacobs - definitely worth your time to read. Mr. Jacobs set out to read the entire Encyclopaedia Brittanica, both micro and macro version, 32 volumes, in one year. This book is not only informative - my friend, Heather, now wants to buy a set and read them all, while I feel Mr. Jacobs gave me the Cliff notes, so I'm good - but acts as a memoir. Hilarious, poignant, straight-forward. I enjoyed this book, laughing out loud many, many times. In fact, my Hunny will probably read The Know-It-All next, since I read quite a bit of it aloud to him, drawing him into the story and information.

Mr. Jacobs weaves the overwhelming amount of information he's acquiring with his own story, keeping me hooked all the way through. There's not a section in this book where I ever wanted to put it down and read something else. If you're looking for something that's middle-weight, reads like fiction, but will bring you to the other side feeling a little more intelligent and informed, The Know-It-All may be just the thing.

Still snow-bound. Hoping to get out and about tomorrow. I think another six to eight inches fell today. My kids miss school. I miss the kids being gone and not trashing the house. *sigh* Time to get them all involved in cleaning their messes.

Until I write again ...

Flea

Beauty and the Beast

See that title? I'm at work with 29 kids who are out of school again. Their parents are catching up on every last drop of work they can get in before the snow descends - in about four hours.

Lunch is over. The three through ten year olds are strewn all over the floor watching Disney's original Beauty and the Beast.

My favorite animated movie of all time.

It's a busy day. I love my job. Two days in a row with 15 to 20 kids with serious cabin fever ... I needed my favorite movie today.

Hopefully tomorrow, while I'm watching our six to twelve inches of snow fly, I'll review one of my latest reads, The Know-It-All. Awesome book. Hopefully you're all safe and dry in the meantime.

Until I write again ...

Flea

Home Grown Fun

This last week was ... it was two weeks long, okay? The snowpocalypse happened. It was beautiful. And ominous. And eternal. And tons of fun.

Sixteen inches and five days after it all started, we were able to leave the house. We went to Target for coffee and creamer (HELLOOOOO), and Starbucks for real nourishment. We came home to find the teenagers in the middle of the cul-de-sac doing this:

Smack in the middle. Having a great time. See?

We went out again to bring Starbucks and groceries to homebound friends and came back to find the snow creature had changed. Morphed. For the better? You tell me:

Maybelline poses so well:

We had five teenagers for the weekend - life's not fun enough with just three, so we took in two more. They got busy after the birthday cake (one chose to spend his birthday with us), and decided to scare my Hunny. Here's the transformation of Goof Ball:

A work in progress:

He, um, wasn't happy about the Mamarazzi:

Complete!

Oatmeal Head was keeping dad busy with video games. The end result was not what they'd hoped (Hunny just stared and said it was disturbing), but the inspiration was there and Maybelline subjected herself to a transformation:

Kids these days. I hope your weekend was as much fun as mine!

Until I write again ...

Flea

The Beautiful White Stuff

I've been jealous of my Midwest and New England friends for quite some time now. They get so much beautiful, fluffy snow. I've never really understood their aversion to the white stuff - or, at least, the prolonged stay of snow. I mean, look at it!

It's gorgeous! My friends in the deep south get me. They know that to see it fall is a dream.

We've been snowed in since Tuesday. I've enjoyed our time in the house. My mom came and stayed with us for three days and we had a nice visit. The kids enjoyed playing cards with and talking to grandma. I enjoyed kicking them off the TV so she could sleep in the bonus room. We all rested and relaxed. Aaaaahhh.

Lil' Bro stole my mom yesterday afternoon (four wheel drive, he has). One of the kids' friends arrived shortly after via his uncle. The kids are enjoying their six day weekend. Oh, here's day two of the snow:

Isn't it pretty?

Today is day four. Here's how my winter wonderland looked this morning:

And I now understand this diagram, as well as have a tiny bit of empathy for my northern friends:

Lifted from a friend's FaceCrack photos - no clue of it's origin - maybe she made it

The very best part about all of this? We're supposed to get another inch of snow in a few minutes. More forecast for Sunday. Then Monday. Then Tuesday. Probably Wednesday, too.

Oh! And the Hunny brought home a truckload of firewood on Monday night. See?

Here it is this morning, after just three days:

So. Who wants to teach me to play bridge?

Until I write again ...

Flea

Warm and Dry

Yes, we had a snow day. Just like many of you did. Here in northeastern Oklahoma, we got at least 14 inches of snow. Pretty? Beautiful. Cold? Brr! But the best part of the day? Twofold.

After two hours in the snow, Goof Ball and his friend from next door, playing poker by the fire (and Lou):

And my Babies, Flash and Patches, enjoying the snow before it got really deep:

I hope you're all staying warm!

Until I write again ...

Flea

Tuesday Review, The Mix

Canadian Mama tagged me in a book meme *squee*. Y'all know I can't resist a meme. So I'm taking advantage of the opportunity to squeeze in a meme and a review!

Here are the rules:

1. Take a picture of the books you are reading currently and add to your post.
2. Describe the books and if you are enjoying them or not. Why?
3. For every book you are reading you have to tag one person.
4. Leave the person a comment letting them know you tagged them.

The first is a little tough, since since several of the books are on my Kindle. Here's a photo of what's currently in progress on my nightstand:

I'm thoroughly enjoying Sacks' Musicophilia. How the brain works fascinates me, and his tales about musical - oddities - and the brain are way cool. He opens with the story of a man who was struck by lightning and died (he was brought back via CPR). A month or so later he started hearing music in his head. Not ever having been musical, I guess it took the guy by surprise. Not too long after this, he had to teach himself composition and how to play piano, since the music became original scores and wouldn't go away. He was obsessed. It's an interesting read, one that so far I'd recommend.

The other, How Children Raise Parents, by Dan Allender, is one I've read before but am currently reading to the Hunny at night. I highly recommend this as a parenting book if your children are older than a year. It's especially valuable now that mine are teenagers. Not a rules book so much as a relationship, getting to know your child, letting parenting change you book. I love that Allender is upfront about his parenting mistakes, personality flaws, as much as anything else. It gives me hope.

I'm also reading To Be Told by Allender for my writing group. How the story of your life is written and your part in the composition.

This book, All Night Long, is written by Steve Knight, who I met Sunday. Hopefully he'll be attending our writing group. And OMG! I love the illustrations, by Melanie Florio! But the simple story is just darling, people. If I had tiny ones, I'd read it to them every night. Rather, I've have the Hunny read it every night. Steve signed this copy, and I think my Evil Sister needs it for little Calum. I love, at the end, that it says, "but daddy will miss you most of all" (while the little one's asleep all night long). *squee*

I'm not going to tag anyone. I know a couple of readers, but several of you comment that you don't have time to read. Trisha, feel free to do this meme, since I know you're an avid reader. I'd love to see what's in your stack. And Marcy! What are you reading right now? Okay, I guess I've tagged a couple of you. *whew*

Oh! The Kindle books! I downloaded a butt-load of free books. The ones I finished this weekend are The Mad King, by Edgar Rice Burroughs (hilarious, though I'm sure it wasn't intended to be), and The Island of Doctor Moreau, by H.G. Wells (dark, very good - why had I never read this one? Must suspend belief for much of it, now that we understand so much more about biology and the brain). And one I paid for on Kindle, Just Like Someone Without Mental Illness, Only More So, by Mark Vonnegut. Totally making me laugh. And tear up a little. So far so good.

Until I write again ...

Flea